want
@ 9:21 a.m.
i want to say that for the record it seems like the people at work didn't forget my birthday. they bought me a cake, and we all had a short celebration to eat it, like all the other birthdays. i was really glad of it. i don't know if i would've been mad or upset that they forgot, or if i would've been thinking it in the back of my mind all the time... but i'm just glad that didn't end up happening. that can be stressful after all.
it seems like i've gotten over some unknown fear. well i don't know if i would call it a fear per se, but it was paralyzing. but it seems like i've gotten over it. i'm talking about facebook of course. i went on last night to ask someone something, and had a nice short chat. then i posted something for the first time in years. i've probably made only a handful of posts since 2007 or so. i mean i didn't post anything important or interesting. i just "shared" a video i had seen from the onion. but just that i could do it without second guessing myself and hesitating and wondering if i should and what other people would think etc. to me, that's something. i didn't feel the stress over facebook either. it didn't feel like a prison or trap. it felt freeing.
i'm also realizing that things don't have to be so difficult. by this i mean that i asked marcos to come over yesterday and he would've, except his family came over and he couldn't escape them even though he would've wanted to. so the point is that if i want something, i should just go for it. i think it's been awhile since having this feeling of want. it's nice. he's coming over today now.