<< 10-08-18 >>


@ 6:36 p.m.

Wow I've completely forgotten and haven't thought about diaryland in a long time. Actually, the only reason I ended up coming here was because I needed some HTML code and I couldn't remember the syntax. C asked me to design a website for his game company. It's a very simple one. We just needed something, because we're trying really hard to launch a mobile game. We were going to launch in Sept but it hasn't finished and now it's been pushed back. I'm actually really proud of the website I made because I used divs instead of tables. I've known for a long time that website templates should be made with divs, not tables, but I've always had a lot of trouble with it. I wanted to follow the rules so to speak, so I used divs and it ended up going better than I thought. Anyway, I don't have much to say, because I didn't really come here for a reason, but seeing that I hadn't updated in months, it didn't seem right just to hop on in here real quick and not even say a word.

I got promoted to manager at work in September, although the official date was August, and ever since then my stress levels have increased so much. I was stressing out already in the summer. I was just getting assigned more and more higher level tasks, and it was to prepare me for the kind of work I'd do as manager, but now that I am manager, I'm getting more and more work on my plate, meanwhile I'm still doing some coordination work that an entry person would do. I'm currently training a new person so I can transition out of the entry level stuff, but as of now, you can see that I've got a lot of stuff to do before everything smooths out. The stress from my work has steeped into my personal life. I think that it doesn't help that I'm spending a lot of my free time doing work for C and his game company. There are other things I want to do, but the stress of it makes me not want to do any of it. I've been contemplating finding another job recently, but I understand this is just because I'm stressed out currently.

This guy that sells cargo insurance came to my workplace to talk about how to sell insurance to customers. He mentioned however that he used to do the kind of work I do now. On a particularly stressful day, he decided to go to the bathroom to try to get away from everyone and catch his breath for a second... and even in the bathroom, someone found him in there, slid a file underneath the bathroom stall and asked him to take a look at the file and that he needed his help with a decision asap. The presenter stated that at this moment, he knew he had to find another job. I've obviously never have been in a situation quite like that, but I find it quite relatable. It's got me questioning if I want to stay in a job or industry this stressful. I don't feel like it used to be like this, but I feel like stress is all I see these days.

I've also recently found that sometimes when I smoke in a bad mood, I end up high and feeling shitty. It's actually somewhat obnoxious because it's supposed to do the complete opposite. I smoke to try to forget all the stress and things that I need to do, but I find that when I actually do it, I end up feeling guilty (and hence shitty) for just being high and not getting anything done. So for the last week or two, I've stopped smoking during the day on the weekends. (Yes, I was practically high all day on the weekends, almost as soon as I woke up sometimes.) I've been limiting it to at night when I'm about to go to bed. But writing this all out, it has somehow made me more stressed out and now I'm sorely tempted to go and smoke right now.

I suddenly feel very lost. Was writing in here and thinking about things the wrong thing to do?