living
@ 1:57 p.m.
i wanted to write an entry yesterday morning, but then the internet here at the hotel disconnected, so then i didn't get a chance to to.
we decided pretty much at the very last minute to take a trip to vegas. this wasn't easy as work has been really busy and i needed to make sure everything was set up and taken care of prior to the vacation. luckily i'm only taking technically 2 days off, yesterday and tomorrow since today is a legal holiday. and a lot of people weren't going to come in on Friday anyway. i was glad that a couple people from my office was able to help me with some of the work, and the other stuff i had to follow up on i'm doing myself. i was even able to work yesterday while c was asleep so he didn't even know i was doing work, which is what i prefer. it makes me feel guilty to work while on vacation.
but anyway i didn't want to come here to talk about work. i guess what i really wanted to say was that i was glad that i'm living my life. i felt guilty about taking this time off while everyone was so busy at work, but i should be living my life. and we were going to book this small cheap room, cause whatever... but then c looked it up online and he decided no he wanted the room with the hot tub. it ended up being about $440 for 3 nights. i thought it was a waste of money at the time of booking it, but i must admit, after it was all done, i was glad we ended up doing it. reminded me of the story my mom was retelling me that i didn't realize when i was in high school. my dad was super cheap, so he didn't want to fly to san francisco, and we drove. and then he didn't want to book a hotel because he thought it would be cheaper to book once we got there. well, that wasn't the case, and i remember lugging around our luggage looking for cheaper hotel rooms... vacations should be spent like this: in luxury, and without worries. indeed, after realizing that we were going to have a hot tub, i was excited. and i was excited to be excited, as for the past who knows how many years, i've not really experienced happiness or excitedness... looking forward to things. and i've not been used to letting myself look forward to it either. i should be glad of what can make me happy and show it. i sometimes fear that when c proposes and he doesn't do it well or something (although i don't know how he would manage that exactly) that it would show on my face... ever since he got me flowers last time and i didn't look happy. i don't know what that incident was about. of course i was happy about the flowers, but... i don't know. i'm just crazy.
anyway, just trying to remind myself to live life. after all, this is all we have, and at the current moment, we really have no big worries. we're both lucky to have good paying jobs, him more so, probably making double what i make. i guess he has student loans, but besides that it's good.
anyway, going to get off the computer now and thinking about going to the Rio buffet :) merry christmas.