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@ 5:48 p.m.
wow i haven't written here in a year it feels like, but according to diaryland, my last entry was only in june so i guess it wasn't a year after all, although, it has been nearly half i suppose. they also changed this editor apparently, which i like, the font is bigger so i can read what I'm typing.
anyway, well, believe it or not, i've been around. i must have come here at least once a month or so, reading other people's stuff, and then when i get around to trying to write an entry, i run out of time. as per usual, i really haven't been coming here when i'm at home, pretty much only at work. today is no exception, and it's almost 6pm now and even though i should just go home, i thought i would write a quick entry anyway as if i don't, who knows when it will happen?
gee, what was i even talking about the last time i was here? i just took a quick glance at it, but it's honestly not telling me much...
c got laid off in may, i don't know if i even mentioned it, but then he went back to work 2 months later in july. he started working at google. i couldn't believe it. i'm not supposed to reveal anything about it or else he could get in trouble. although, this is pretty anonymous and i could be just about anyone, but just in case, i guess i won't get into the juicy bits of it. anyway, he's making like double what he used to. and apparently google is a chill company despite what anyone may have thought. they let you pick your own hours or you can work at home if you need to (though not every day). they have a cafeteria that serves food (for free), they have a music room, a video game room... they let you bring your dog to work (apparently they are very dog friendly) and they specifically have this grassy area where your dog can play around. they have surf boards lined outside to use should you feel the need to go surfing during the middle of your work day. (they are located right across from the beach). honestly, the question to ask is what don't they have?? they even have a little mini coffee shop inside the building that serves drinks and small snacks for free. oh yeah and of course they have a gym. i'm somewhat jealous of some of the things they have, but then i'm also ok with it. this is probably the godliest tier in terms of the workplace.
even though c is making so much money, i still haven't been proposed to yet. a part of me is rather getting impatient and i'm trying to stop that, but it's hard to control your feelings of course, so i'm not exactly succeeding. i'm just trying not to think about it too much. on the other hand, i'm still no closer to really finding a friend i would want as bridesmaids anyway so maybe i should be more focused on that. and i'm also trying to go back to dieting and losing weight again... but i haven't started on that.
oh i guess i should mention that the main reason why i haven't written in such a long time is cause work has gotten incredibly busy. 1 person left in september and then my manager fired another after he decided not to show up for work without any notice. he had called in sick or would need days off a lot so i guess my manager had enough of his shit. the annoying part is that i really wish she could've waited until we hired another person before she fired him cause it's been so hectic. we finally hired someone 3 and a half weeks ago, but this new girl is not very good. it's now her 4th week here and she's still doing a lot of training stuff. ridiculous honestly. my manager is still looking to hire at least one more person, but with the way things are going, i have to wonder when that'll happen. i was working a lot of OT, but last week i managed to catch a small break, and i think this week won't be too bad either (minus today that is). next week is thanksgiving week though so i'll most likely be busy before and after the holiday.
on my time off from work, i had been playing a lot of league of legends, but the season is over for now, so i guess i'll take a break. i started playing wow last week in order to play with friends, but it did not turn out how i had expected it would go at all. they just expected me to learn the game on my own pretty much and get to level cap on my own. and that once i got to max level, they would want me to join in on raids and shit. it really was not appealing grinding by myself. i don't know now whether i will want to continue or not. i'd really rather take the free time i have and invest it on something else more fun or meaningful.
if i'm not doing anything important and just want to relax, i find lately that i've been smoking pot quite a bit, and drinking as well. a lot of times, c isn't even home yet so i'll smoke before he gets home, and he usually doesn't even notice that i'm high. i don't know why i feel this need to hide it from him, but i guess i just feel like he'll be judgmental. he's only caught me a couple times and he's never looked down on me for it, but i still can't help how i feel i guess. I don't even know why I feel this need to do it, but i guess i really enjoy that drugged feeling... insobriety. i don't even go for being drunk or blitzed out of my mind, just a little bit to make me feel relaxed. i don't know why it is that i feel like i can't relax without it. sometimes i think about how well i would handle sobriety if i were pregnant. but i don't have to think about that for now.
i'd really like to discuss how i'm feeling or what things i've been thinking about, but it all feels like a blank when i come here. like, i have to dig around in my mind to think of what it is i want to say. i guess that's the problem with "i guess i'll come on diaryland and see what's going on and write an entry" instead of "i really want to write about this so i better go on diaryland to make my entry"
i'd really like to get back into it... maybe i'll try to remember to come here if i have something i want to say.