2 more weeks
@ 4:02 p.m.
it's getting closer and closer to c's graduation and as much as i am happy about that, i'm in a constant state of worry all the fucking time. this week, from sunday, he came home around 4-6 am every day. it's even given me pause to stop and think if maybe there's someone else. but no, he doesn't act any differently and he still complains about how stressed he is about school stuff. when i think about it the idea that he might be cheating on me sounds absurd, i can't really explain it beyond that. and i don't really care to. i'm just so nervous of any little small thing that could happen for him to call me with another panic attack. i can't remember the last time i feel so on edge. at least this week's finally over. overall, it was an ok week. he did freak out just a bit when he realized he only had about 3-4 hrs before he had to turn in an essay that he hadn't even looked at yet... but then he went to class and the teacher extended the due date because apparantly only like 2 people had their essays. everyone was too busy with other shit to finish the essay... so that's a reprieve at least. i really am literally counting down the days. 2 more weeks... then finals week. i have to keep repeating that to myself. at least i can relax today and tomorrow. then sunday the group meetings start again and all that crap. ugh. 2 more week. 2 more weeks. two more. TWO.