birthdays, chinese new years updates
@ 2:21 p.m.
can you believe that i've been meaning to write since monday, and now it's friday, and i have to drag myself (yes sadly it does feel like i'm needing to drag myself) to finally write? I've done much of nothing at work almost all week (I was busy yesterday and wednesday)
Well, after i went home last friday, I was feeling down, and c noticed and asked me what was wrong. i hinted at why i would be upset and it didn't take him too long to figure it out. funnily enough, c didn't spend the whole day doing nothing and only playing lol or whatever. so my brother bought his own computer and all the parts finally arrived last thursday and I guess c ended up helping him put stuff together and meanwhile he set up a new network so that my brother is connected to the computer by a cable rather than wireless (the connection seemed to disconnect a lot cause he was downstairs). so i guess he was actually busy doing stuff, and that was a nice change. well, when i came home, they needed to go out to buy something to finish up what they were doing. so they went to get that and get food. they asked if i wanted to come along but i didn't. and i didn't want (and c knew i didn't either) my brother to know i was upset, so they left shortly after our quick conversation about why i was feeling down. I was lying in bed watching something on netflix, and i realized they had been gone for awhile. i mean, i knew it would take awhile cause the food place they said they were going to always has a long wait, but jeez it was taking awhile. and then the thought occurred to me that i wondered if c was getting me something. he had asked me if i wanted anything, but i told him no/i don't know (because that was the truth and also cause i didn't want him to really spend money on me because he can't really afford it). i was thinking that maybe it was cake and i was just trying not to get my hopes up.
well, he comes home and he ended up getting me flowers. in retrospect, i'm glad it was flowers and not cake because i've gained some weight that i'm having trouble getting rid of and i know it's because of my constant snacking (of bad sugary foods). i was overjoyed for them, and they made me so happy, more than i thought they would. i'm really not sure what was going on with me this year. i'm sure i've never made a big deal out of my birthday before so i don't know what happened. i don't want to experience a repeat of it though. so i guess i'm 26 now and i can't really say that anything's changed. it's a good thing, but a sad thing too.
this past weekend was chinese new year, so i went to see my parents and we went out to eat. for my mom's birthday, i got her some sudoku puzzle books, it was what she requested and wanted. my brother got her a kindle (also what she requested and wanted). the food was good and i was happy to go. i was also sad that these days will probably be short lived. it's weird that i will miss it. was that not even a week ago? it felt like months ago. gee.
thinking about my parent's relationship also makes me realize that people continue to change and grow no matter what age their at, and being married for any number of years doesn't necessarily mean that you'll make it. i guess it's just two people more willing to commit, but nothing is guaranteed.
yesterday was valentine's day. i had offhandedly asked c if he wanted to do anything on wednesday, but he said that he was busy almost all day thursday and that he would be home kinda late, so he kinda couldn't commit to anything. lol i don't know why i ask him about plans or try to really make plans. he's always saying he's busy and not sure if he can commit. i think even if he could commit, he wouldn't want to since he doesn't like plans. but i guess me asking about wanting to do anything is my way of saying, let's celebrate this day or let's do something on this day and even though he never commits, we usually end up doing something anyway, if not on that day, around that day. anyway, he casually asked me if he should get me more flowers, and i told him that it was okay. he should save his money.
i was not expecting anything, and i was pretty surprised when he came home last night and he got me more flowers! i really was so surprised. i had not expected anything. i felt very happy about it, but i was sad to see him collapse to bed at only around 11pm. i think it's going to be a tough semester for him, but i'm glad it's the last one. i don't think i've seen him work quite so hard, and i'm really proud of him. he's really grown.
so i'm sure we'll go out to eat somewhere this weekend for valetine's day but where? i had wanted or i was thinking about going to this restaurant near beverly hills, but that's slowly losing its appeal to me, as i'm starting to think about going to this sushi place in westwood.
well anyway, i guess i just wanted to update on that. life is great right now i think. of course it could be better, but i'd have to put motivation into it that i can't seem to muster.
on another note, every time i practice piano or violin (in particular piano cause i've played for sooo long) and i start thinking about it too much, i feel so inadequate and like i'm so bad and i don't understand how everyone else seems to be so much better than me. i get frustrated and pissed, like why can't i be that good? i've played for years and have practiced. but i'm starting to feel better and realizing some things. that those people who posted videos on youtube of playing the piano probably practice way more than i do everyday, have played longer than i do, and they probably took a few different takes before they got that perfect video uploaded on there. and what's more is that sure it seems like there's a lot of them, but there's 2 billion people in the world and compared to those numbers, i'm sure only a handful of people are really that good and that extremely better than me. and if they are so, they probably deserve it for how much more practice, time and effort they have put into it. so i'm slowly trying to be more accepting and i'm slowly learning to be better too. there's millions of people who can't even play piano, and then there's even people like c who have played for about 4 years or so but really can't and haven't been able to do much with it. he can't sight read i'm sure, and i don't know if he can read music at all. he know very few pieces and he can't play by ear at all. compared to that, i suppose i would be the equivalent of someone on youtube posting videos of my playing.