nothing happened
@ 8:21 a.m.
wait a minute... did yesterday not happen? cause goddammit when i went home yesterday i was still worried, anxious and nervous. i did the laundry that he asked me to do. he sounded kinda upset about it yesterday... it was almost like he was implying well you're not busy doing anything, i don't understand why you haven't done it yet? i didn't say anything, but just that i would do it tomorrow. so i did it... anything to make it easier on him. i also changed the bed sheets, that's been needed to be done for awhile. i figured i could wash the sheets at the same time i'm doing laundry. i changed to the sheets that he really likes. (he barely noticed until it was bedtime) i messaged him to ask if he wanted me to cook something for him tonight... he said probably.
he calls me up on his way home. he sounds better, pretty downright cheery. he said he didn't need me to cook because he ate with some people at the margarita bar (on campus). i've seen that place before and have wanted to go. i'm a bit jealous that he got to go. i was interested in checking out this place with him... oh well i guess i at least didn't need to cook. he gushes on a bit about how he found a beer he liked (he hates beer) and that it only cost about $20 for the food and drinks per person (seems pretty expensive actually...)
so c built my computer, but for the longest time my computer would randomly crash, and then about 2 weeks ago it just didn't want to boot up. we figured out it was the motherboard, so i called up asus to get a replacement. (they were really nice and made the whole thing easy) so the motherboard finally came yesterday and i asked him if he would help me to put it together, i'd already done most of the set up, he really just had to double check that i did it right. then he's all like, well did you need me to do it right away when i got home, or could it be later? and then i thought oh it must be some school work.. and i asked him what was so urgent... and he's all well i told (the people he just had food with) that i was going to play 3-man games of lol. really? you're going to blow me off to play some games when what i need your help with probably won't take more than 10 minutes. i told him nicely that it seems like that could wait and it wouldn't take long to help me. luckily he didn't make too big of a deal out of it and helped me out when he got home... but he didn't even mention the laundry that i did for him. if he was down and out, i'd understand, but he seemed back to his normal self.
we briefly talked about what happened with microsoft. it didn't sound like it was a personality thing. it sounded like maybe they thought c wasn't knowledgeable, which sounded like bs.. and also i learned that apparently the other guy who got the job at microsoft interviewed in a different office (seattle) and his interview was much easier.
i hate putting it like c cried wolf, because i know that wasn't his intention. i'm starting to believe more and more that his calling suicide is his way of dealing with his problems. it gives me a scare like nothing else probably ever will, but i can't really call him out on it, because i now realize he's not that cruel person that calls suicide because he wants the attention or wants something from me. he calls it because that's honestly how he believes he has to treat the problem and he believes it's the only way to fix it. i don't really want to call him out on it either, lest i prompt him to prove me wrong and actually do it. i have to take it seriously, but i'll try to be more levelheaded about it.
it's kinda weird, not being sure if this was a curse or a blessing. would i have wanted to deal with him moping around? no, that's okay. on the other hand, his quick recovery is almost borderline disgusting. i didn't bring up about his promise of suicide if he didn't get a job at the end of graduation. i think i was kind of scared. i wasn't sure what he'd say. i'm kinda glad things are back to normal i guess. i know inside he's still probably upset about the whole thing, and i already know he has stress with the whole job finding thing. i can only just hope that everything works out.
oh yeah, in bed, i said lets do something this friday, and he's all, do what? and i wasn't sure, but i was thinking that while i was changing the bedsheets that we hadn't really sat down and had a nice meal together out in awhile, and i had been kinda missing that, so i was thinking maybe that would be ok. but he didn't seem to want to commit because he might have something to do for school. he never seems to want to commit to anything, he never seems to want to plan anything. i don't understand that. i like the idea of looking forward to something. now i feel kind of let down. and who knows if anything will happen. funny thing is, if it does end up happening, i feel like it wouldn't bring me as much joy as if i had planned it and it happened.
we desperately need to go shopping too, but he's been kinda lazy and doesn't seem to want to do anything on the weekends but stay around at home playing lol or whatever. ugh it's times like these that i think, he better get a job and make a lot of money because i'm so sick of being unappreciated...