someone suicidal
@ 11:38 a.m.
(wow, on a posting spree) there's this pretty morbid diary that i read on here, and since i've spent the morning catching up, i just read a bunch of her entries. most of her entries are about the same. she's super depressed, sorta talking about maybe killing herself. or if she's not talking about that, she talks about how she has no confidence in herself and when she looks in the mirror, she thinks she's ugly. or if not that, about her anxiety and the problems she faces because of it. overall, super depressing stuff. however, this is the first time i think she very explicitly said she now has nothing to live for and wants to kill herself and she's surprised she's still alive. i wanted to leave a note for her... but what would i say? I hate the usual bull crap that people say like, "hope things get better" or "i'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time". I hate it because it really means nothing. It's the same old shit everyone says. And the truth is, I think that I can't think of anything good to say, because I don't have any convincing argument of why they should live. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but it's no surprise that I've never really saw the "light" in life. I've never understood the point. You live then you die. That's the bottom line. And you try to make it good for yourself while you're alive but what if you can't? How I can tell his person that things will get better when I don't know that for sure? I suppose the natural part of life is that things are always going up and then going down. But at what point do you hit the down, and at what point is the up? Yeah, things will get better, but will it get worse first? And how much better, before it all goes downhill again anyway? For me, it's to try to find a semi-balance, hopefully a bit high up there, so life is enjoyable at least, but I know for many people, it's always down, and it may go a bit up sometimes, but then it always stays down there. So I can't think of anything honest or truthful to say to make them feel better. And I don't want to lie. The truth is, life is shit (sometimes.. a lot of the times?), and you make the best you can, but that's not something you say to someone who's depressed and thinking about killing themselves. I feel like my silence is worse than not posting "cheer up", but I can't bring myself to type these shitty words even still. It makes me feel like the worst hypocrite. I wish I had something witty to say, but i'm not that good. I suppose I don't blame people who kill themselves... just like I don't blame people who live. Just sorta sucks.