sweet distance
@ 8:20 a.m.
the trouble started when i went on facebook. it always does, doesn't it? i decided to go on again. i can already feel the beginnings of an addiction gripping me. it's disgusting really... since it's facebook.
but the main reason i am concerned is because jeff wrote back to me. i'm not sure if you all remember, but i wrote to him back in april when he got married, and i had checked a couple times at the time if he would write back to me. i think i got mad at him maybe, because he couldn't spare me that one minute to thank me for my message or say anything. and i think a part of me was happy that he wasn't going to say anything. it would be his way of getting rid of me or avoiding me, not having to talk to me. it never occurred to me that he would never purposefully ignore me even though that's exactly the type of person he is. he would never ever ignore me... EVER. if there's one think jeff is bad at is mind-games. i don't think there's one conniving bone in his body. and i don't know why i was so blinded by this in april. i guess i was just so ready and willing to believe whatever it was i wanted to believe. but no, he's simply been off facebook for the past 5 months or so. (that's even a longer record than me i think.) and today he responded... i almost didn't even go on facebook either. i told myself i wasn't going to but i did. now i'm not sure what to say back to him.
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Hey, was just looking around people's pages and came upon yours and see that you got married. Just wanted to say congrats. You both look very happy and wish you the best of luck :)
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Hey ****!
Long time no speak/message! How is it going???
Thanks for your message back in April regarding my marriage. And really sorry that it's taking me so long to get back to you. As you can tell, I'm really terrible at keeping in contact as of late (besides this week, first time I logged on in 5 months).
Anyway, what have you been up to lately? It'd be really cool to catch up, as it's been too long! Hope you're very well.
Take care!
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not sure what to make of how to move on from here. i was pretty happy with the way things were, the silence and such. and i'd even become ok with the fact that i have no hold on him. no, i was glad that i had no hold on him. sometimes i feel like the only thing between us is severance. i was grateful for that. i don't want to try to build a relationship between us when all it would be is me keep checking facebook and wondering if he had finally message me back yet. i feel as though, that would be unavoidable with him. so i liked that we weren't talking. i don't think i'll ever be ready to develop a friendship with him. this distance is more than fine. it's treasured for me.
now i'm not sure what to do. should i respond? what to say? and if i do respond, will it end up with me wondering and wanting to check my messages? ugh. it was foolish of me to send that message in the first place. i just wanted to say that i was over him. and i am. the only difference now i realize that i didn't realize then was that we can't even be friends without this kind of hassle, and i am having a hard time deciding if it's worth it being friends with him.