new piano & violin lessons...
@ 12:19 p.m.
wow, i can't believe the last time i wrote was already last wednesday! why does it feel like i only wrote a few days ago... how weird. i glanced at my last entry and i completely forgot about the fact that c was depressed that day. he's been doing a lot better if that's not already indicated. i feel like a lot of stuff happened since my last entry. first, c ended up cleaning downstairs which i was grateful for. actually, the downstairs has gotten to be pretty empty and i'm pretty pleased. c cleaned up a good chunk of his stuff, meanwhile our old roommate came and picked up the last of his stuff, and shin took the stuff he had in the living room upstairs to his room as well. overall i'm pleased with everyone... except myself. i haven't gotten enough cleaning done as much as i'd hope. my main concern is that i need to go through all these blankets and bed sheets that we were given by c's mom, that i've yet to do. every time i think about doing it, i guess there are other things keeping me busy. but i know i really need to get on top of that, because my mom says that she might want to come by to my place to take a look to see how we want to set things up here. god, i don't need my mom to lecture me about how we've had the apartment for over a year and half and yet still have not cleaned everything up.
i've given up finding a piano on craigslist, it was not working out. first off, it's 90% guitars, so i would have to wait for months probably before i get the brand i want. i also went to the store to see which one i would like, and it turns out that i don't like the way the casio CDP100 or CDP120 or the new casio line called Privia, which has models PX110, PX130 and their newest PX150 feels. it felt like such a digital piano. I want a digital piano that feels like a real piano. So after looking and checking around, my favorite was the Yamaha P105. However, this model came out very recently so I knew I was in for a wait if I wanted this specific brand. I also knew that considering how picky I was, I would not be able to accept any old piano, it would have to be specific ones I've tested that I liked, so I decided in the end, it was just smarter to buy the piano new. I even got $100 off because the store was having a sale this month. I'm really pleased with my purchase, but I haven't had a chance to actually play it. I haven't bought a stand or a chair/seat for the piano. The latter is not a big deal as I can just use a crappy chair for the time being, but i really can't play the piano without a stand for it. I mainly didn't buy it yet for 2 reasons, 1 is that I probably won't be setting it up anywhere until my brother moves in and that's all settled. I don't want my mom to see that I bought a piano so I more or less have to wait before finding a permanent spot for it. 2nd, this also means that I can save my money for this month, as I still have to buy iPhones at the end of the month. so I'm trying to save a bit of money since I don't want the stand right not anyway for that first reason. I'm excited about the piano though. It sounded really great in the store.
On that note, it brings me to the fact that on Thursday night after I had gone to the store to look at pianos (I bought it on Friday after considering my options), after I got home, I realized that I really would've liked it if I could've finished learning what I needed on the violin. I had taken 2 years of private lessons when I was about 9 and then quit. I also played 4 years in my high school orchestra. It's been a semi-small dream of mine to play in an orchestra again. There's really nothing like the feeling of playing with this group, to be in so much sync and making beautiful music. It's so rewarding, and I can't explain it beyond that, but I know I am not good enough to play in an orchestra. If I could get as good as that to play in an orchestra, that would be just so awesome. This too, I'm not ready to reveal to my mom. Anyway, I found someone on craigslist and I met with her on Friday. She seemed really nice, she's very experienced. and her prices are reasonable. I'm to meet her for my first lessons next monday. I went out and rented a violin this weekend... we'll see how it goes. i'm pretty undecided in this in a way. a part of me really wants to be so much more than i am, but i'm scared to put in the work. it's so much easier to just not do anything and I have to be honest that that's who I've always been. I don't know how this will play out. (hah no pun intended)
i went home this weekend. and i chatted with my mom briefly. apparently my dad moved back in, of his own volition, mainly cause he is out of money. seems like my mom can't take much more of it though. as she said, she was going to force him to go back oversea, but he seems hesitant about going, which is something i don't think my mom counted on. but i think she's going to give him the ultimatum, that either he goes, or she kicks him out of the house. i don't think he'll be staying in that house that much longer. my dad's birthday is on thursday though, so i don't know if my mom might be nicer to him for awhile bit longer. it always makes me sad when i leave home, for my mom. i feel really bad for her, and she must be lonely, that's all i can think, but i can't find it in my heart to be the daughter she would like me to be. i guess that makes me a bit sad. but i guess it just means that i'm human and i have compassion for her. i don't think a relationship could get any complicated than a mother daughter relationship.
i feel like i've been talking about this for decades, but i'm so excited to get rid of my fucking old phone. i hate it so much. i can't wait for my new iphone.