happy
@ 1:11 p.m.
i am so happy. and i don't have a reason why, but i am just so happy. it's not quite childhood joy type of happy, but this is probably the best i've felt in a long time. and i think it has to do with the fact that for one thing, i am not fighting with c any longer. i haven't had an argument with him over anything since before that vegas weekend. so it's been almost 2 weeks. the main reason for it is that i've stopped making cheeky comments (that he would take out of context because he thinks there's something behind what i said) about him playing lol, or him playing without me. i've also stopped mentioning that he stays up til 5am.
i guess i realized that i need to control my feelings. i think i knew i was being unreasonable sometimes. i can't ask c not to play if he wants to, and he should be spending time with his friends if he wants to... and i also realized i don't have to be all upset about it all the time, i can find things to do to take up my time so that i don't really notice with c's doing. and i've stopped making a big deal about not being invited to play with him. lol is a crappy game anyhow. and he was right in a sense: even if my comment is "how come you didn't invite me?" (neutral tone), he will take it as "wtf, why didn't you invite me?" (accusing tone). and it's my fault because i've trained him to think this way. before whenever i didn't get invited, i would get all pissed off at him. so how can he take it anything but when i ask now. but i don't ask him any of that now. i don't even bring it up. sometimes he invites me still and i play one or two games with him, but to be honest, i've never felt so care free. i didn't think it possible.
the sleeping thing, for some reason it hasn't really bothered me. i've been able to sleep through it. although, lately it's been hot, so sometimes i sleep downstairs, but i don't really get pissed about it anymore... i don't know. it's like i just suddenly decided that i'm not gonna get pissed at it and it was as easy as that. i don't know why it couldn't have been like that before, but for some reason, it's like that now. it still bothers me that he's up so late, but to be honest 5am is not that bad. i hated his 7am and 8 am a lot more. plus, school will be starting in a week and half, so he won't be able to stay up til 7. hopefully he'll have to sleep before 5am as well, but if not, i can still deal with it.
i guess the lack of fighting has lifted my overall mood. i'm making crafty type things now in my spare time, and they're turning out pretty decent, which makes me really happy. i've also been intersted in watching some tv shows, and i want to read some books. it's made me kind of busy actually... and work has been pretty busy too. i think the busy-ness has only added to my being happy. i think boredom goes hand in hand with depression. besides that, i cleaned up the kitchen a little bit yesterday and the dishes got all washed. i know it seems like such a small things, but it makes me really happy too. it's absolutely disgusting to come home and see the sink filled with dishes and the trash not taken out. there was a bunch of those small flies around the trash, and i saw ants going through the trash too. our roommate shin finally did his fucking dishes (god, it took him over a week) and we did ours too. he cooked last night and made a mess on the stove, it irritated me, but i'm so happy that i don't care. i'll take a look when i get home later today and i'll clean it up for him. but you know there are many things i don't get about our new roommate... like the fact that we have a perfectly good (year old) rice cooker, but still he went out last night and bought a new one. and our kitchen isn't that big so i don't know why he felt like he had to get his own. and he pisses me off when he leaves his shoes right in the middle of the walkway. well, there's a whole bunch of stuff that he does that just last week i was so pissed at him for, but this week i am so happy i don't even care. i think part of it may be because he's been so busy. for the past few days, i haven't seen much of him because when he comes home he seems to just lock himself in his room and collapse. but i'm going to make an effort to be nicer to him cause i'm pretty sure i've been treating him like an ass. it's just that the shit he does really pisses me off. he knocks over my shampoo bottle every time and never picks it up. he leaves his computer on all day when he's not there and it makes his room really hot and makes our room warmer not to mention the electricity bill... ugh. i could go on about all the dumb shit he does.
but it doesn't matter. this week i am so happy. i don't even mind being here at work. i'm happy about work to be honest. it's a little bit busier than i'd like, but i'm still happy.