white picket fence
@ 12:39 p.m.
i was driving past a house with a white picket fence yesterday and for some reason this triggered a conversation i had once with jeff about how i would like our house to have a white picket fence... i guess i had always wanted the whole "american dream" thing with him. i wanted that happy family and that perfect home... and remembering it made me sad. it was painful and i guess i wasn't expecting that. i guess thinking about it logically, i'm just sad that i can't feel that childhood happiness anymore.. that feeling when you first fall in love with someone... i wonder if maybe that's what c has for me.. it makes me kind of jealous.
it's kind of funny, when i think of what jeff has become, i get mad at him. what an asshole. maybe it's what he wants, kinda like what i wanted, but still, i think he was kind of a jerk and i may have been blinded. however when i think about us, all i can think is how much sometimes i still felt that way, and i can only seem to recall that he was a good person. i don't know how to explain that i can see him so differently.