progress
@ 2:51 p.m.
i probably should've written some time on the weekend because now i can't remember everything that happened. c was still asleep when i came home on friday. he's sleeping schedule is getting worse, and it's really bothering me. sleeping at 5 or 6 wasn't that bad, but now he's sleeping around 8, and waking up even later. this weekend was a bit of a bummer because he slept until 4pm. our sleeping schedule is totally off which means that we are awake at different times.
we cooked the meat on friday, and the meal was delicious. i guess c isn't always perfect, but he gets it right sometimes. i helped him a bit, but he did most of the cooking. he showed me minecraft briefly and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. it's an OK game. the point is to keep yourself amused... it's a lot easier if you have friends playing with you.
i can't really recall what happened after that but i'm pretty sure we had sex at some point. i was surprised, but it's just another way he's trying, and that's always good. on saturday, i woke up pretty early, around 6 or 7, basically cause c woke me up again. i wanted to play lol with him, but he went to bed because he was too tired. i spent the remainder of the day playing lol with my brother and some other random stuff. c woke up at around 4 or so. we played 2 games of lol to make up for earlier.
i think for dinner we had hot dogs and shortly after i fell asleep. i hadn't slept well the past few days, so i fell asleep really early and i woke up at around 9 or 10. i think i slept nearly 12 hours. i don't like sundays, mainly cause it's always tainted cause you think the next day you have to go back to work. lol was down all day because of maintenance. (so lame) i read most of the day. then around 6 i told c i wanted to go out, cause being inside the stuffy apartment made me feel like crap. but first we both wanted to shower, which led to sex first then showers. again, i was surprised by it, but happy. we didn't leave til late, around 9.
we had a fight on the way out. now that i'm here trying to write it out, i feel like there was so much that happened and it makes it daunting to write about. i was irritated that he called a pot a pan. it's technically a saucepan i guess, but i'm used to calling it a pot, and he says no it's a pan, because it's a saucepan. we use it like a fucking pot all the time, and when people say "pan" they think of frying pans not saucepan. getting rid of the word "sauce" turns the word into something else! i was also irritated by the fact that i would lose my spot if we went out. (we only have one garage spot, and c's broken down car is sitting there), but he offered to move his car on my spot in the end. he said that it wasn't a big deal as long as it was quick so the car doesn't overheat.
when we got to the restaurant, he asked if i wanted to see a movie afterward, and this pissed me off. it was already 10pm. if were to see a movie, that means staying out til 2 or 3am. which is something he knows i don't like to do on sundays (staying out late) cause i have work. i hate doing it on any work day. i tell him that he needs to have better planning skills and point out that if he really wanted to go to a movie, we should've left the house a lot sooner. he gets mad cause i criticized him. and pissed off that all i do is nag. would it be so hard to just enjoy that we're out? i got so upset cause i felt like we can't ever just have a conversation and talk things through. i almost felt like giving up on that conversation and just staying silent that entire meal. but then he reached for my hand, and we actually managed to talk it out. yes, i was being a bit naggy, but i was irritated from earlier, and took it out on this. this helped him to feel more relaxed i think, and i think he realized that he often did suggest going to the movies without thinking much about the time. i ended up complimenting him because i realized that lately he has been doing really well. we have been getting along much better. and i am happy for his efforts.
now if only he would fix his sleeping schedule a bit. i told him on the way home not to play lol tonight because he gets really loud when he does. and then he went ahead and did it anyway. of course i woke up, but then i went downstairs to sleep. he was still being loud that i had to go upstairs and tell him to be quieter and i had to close the door. i could still hear him, but i managed to sleep. then i woke up awhile later, and i could hear him again. he was being loud, but i did the best i could do tune him out. finally around 6:30, he came downstairs to lie with me for awhile. i woke up at 7 to go to work.
normally i would imagine that i'd be fuming because i explicitly told him not to play lol, but i don't really feel all that angry. i'm kinda worried that it's because i've just stopped caring. like, it's the only way that i can deal with this now. if i get super worked up over this, then it will lead to fights and further unhappiness, which may or may not result in him changing. it's making me wonder if i've given up.
i don't really know what to do about this problem. since this will be his last free summer, i hope this stops once school starts. but it still highly worries me and i kinda doubt it. i wish this problem could be fixed.