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@ 1:30 p.m.
I've been meaning to write for a few days now, maybe even since last week, but it just never happened. Actually, come to think of it, i wanted to write that thursday of my last entry, but it didn't end up happening. the reason why i wanted to was cause I wanted to write about how my braces felt. well, it kinda hurt, but not really as badly as i thought. It wasn't really a bad pain, so much as much a lot of numbness, except when I wanted to eat... when I tried to eat, it got painful. overall, having braces the first couple days was a complete nuisance. my whole month, tongue included, kept playing around with anything and everything possible. tomorrow will mark 2 weeks of having these things, yet my mouth still hasn't gotten over these stupid metals in my mouth. I would've thought 2 weeks was enough for my mouth to have lost interest, but I can't seem to stop playing with them. on top of that, my lips are now ALWAYS dry. it's such a pain. I know my lips have been dry my entire life, but it's never FELT dry. Now, they are dry all the fucking time. even as I type, my tongue has probably liked my lips 20 or 30 times already. I'm drinking water 24/7. The only good thing that has happened out of getting the braces is that my weight dropped below 150 lb. for over a month or two, it's always been just a bit over 150, or maybe around 155. The first weekend after my braces, I dropped to around 142 lb. however, now that I can eat without much pain, my weight has since gone up to about 146 or so. Even still, this is the lowest since 2010. I'm just really disappointed that I'm losing weight so easily by eating so little rather than by exercising... because unfortunately, when I exercise, I get really hungry. I fear that I'm actually losing a bunch of muscle rather than fat.. but I can't bring myself to really care.
let's see, the last time I wrote, I was talking about a fight that me and c had. i guess not much has changed since then, but i think in some subtle ways that he has gotten better in cheering me up at least. i should write something of substance, but i can't seem to bring myself to explain and go into detail about all of it. if i have to be honest, i feel like something is missing in our relationship. i guess i feel so far away from him because he's always on his computer playing minecraft now. sometimes i'm confused as to why we're together cause i feel like we have nothing in common. but maybe that's my fault since i lack any hobbies. i'm such an uninteresting person.
I wish I had more to offer life. I don't do ANYTHING. I really sicken myself. And I also wish I could change...
on another note, i realized something interesting just now. the only thing worse than someone whining and being generally miserable, is someone rubbing it in your face about how happy they are or bragging how good things are (whether on purpose or not) and even worse when they seem to imply that you don't have anything to whine about because everything is sunshine and rainbows. i didn't realize that happiness could be so sickening. and I'm not even saying that I'm whining about how shitty things are.. cause I don't think things are shitty (and I hope I'm not whining). I just don't see any sunshine and rainbows either.