427
@ 12:48 p.m.
i think that i was right about jeff all along. i forgot to mention this, but when i found out he got married that day, i decided to send him a message and congratulate him. since then (i know it's not like i check facebook everyday, but i've been back on there a couple times now), i haven't heard a peep out of him. whatever his reason for ignoring my good intentions and wishes, i realize it was what i was expecting. i was actually expecting to be ignored. I don't think I realized this at the time, but I see that now. I wonder if this was supposed to be some kind of test that I didn't mean for to happen. But anyway, god, I take it all back. I used to believe he was that guy, and forever now even while with c, I still thought he was that guy. I thought that maybe in my next life we could end up together, but now I just see how wrong I was. I don't know if c is that guy (I don't know if I could care to try to analyze to see if c is that guy, because that's who I am now), but I know Jeff wasn't it. I'm almost certain that even if we had a chance to be together, it wouldn't have worked out. Once again I feel like I'm at the bottom of his priority list, and I've always felt that way. It's disgusting how much I dreamed about him.
Yesterday c was the most thoughtful that I'd ever seen him at. Since school is over, c's been at home every day doing just whatever, by that I mean, mostly playing different games, including but not limited to Diablo 3 (which looks interesting...), Minecraft as well as LOL. And since all his friends are out from school too, he just plays with them all day long. so anyway, he doesn't do much, so I try to make him help me more proactively during the summer since he has the time for it, but it usually ends up being a bust and I end up doing it anyway. I mentioned that he should help to do the laundry two days ago, yet I was not expecting much when I said this because I thought he'd just forget about it in the end. Well, I cam home yesterday, and he mentions to me how he was about to do it. and then we ended up doing it together, which was more than I had hoped for. Just that he remembered was a surprise.
I also tried to make a rule for him to go to sleep by 3. I normally wouldn't care but I tend to wake up when he's still awake around that time. on Sunday, he made me so mad, he woke me up twice and was up past 5. I made a big fuss about it, how it'd only been a week into the summer and that rule, and he was already breaking it. he said that he hadn't noticed that the time had passed by so quickly. well, two nights ago he was up past 3 and i woke up. I told him to turn down the volume cause his game sound effects woke me up. About 15 minutes later, he climbs into bed and actually immediately apologized, explained that he was looking at the time, and had hoped to finish something in his game and didn't realize he would take so long. I thought that was sweet. I wasn't even really mad that day. I only get mad if I can't fall back asleep, and I was able to fall back asleep so I wasn't mad. But now I do feel like he actually cares. he's been on such good behavior this week, it's not like anything I've ever seen.
I think the games are also distracting him from depression as well. I kinda have to wonder how long it'll last. he always seems to eventually get upset.
so the manager came back this week. it's now thursday. I haven't really noticed that she's back to be honest. it's just as i expected anyway. I knew it wouldn't be a big deal and it isn't. she complemented me and said that I was doing really well and that made me really pleased. i think I should ask for a raise or evaluation in Aug... cause it will be a year then. wow, already a year.
in other news, I forget if I said, but my brother got into NYU, but now that we've looked at the tuition, it's a lot higher than anticipated and my mom thinks that we won't be able to afford it. my brother seems to be okay with going to community college and then transferring. I guess he's going to make a decision later today. 60k a year to go to school is fucking ridiculous. those teachers are making too much money and I have a feeling they don't even really deserve it. Or maybe some other people are making all the money. I don't know who it is, but they're making too much. I feel saddened that the cost of college has gone up so much that only the rich can go. It's at or gamble going and hope you get a great job in the end so you can pay off your loans. but you know what, universities are disgusting... it's not so much about learning actual things.. i think that's the problem in general. too many people are going to school. people who aren't actually smart enough, so they've dumbed down the curriculum so that people can pass classes and graduate. it's the reason why people like myself have gotten into college and managed to get a degree. our educational system is so flawed.