423
@ 12:24 p.m.
ugh. I'm mainly writing cause I'm kind of bored out of my mind... there's a couple things I could be doing (all non-work related though).. but yea it's that boring at work today.
oh and i took a nap earlier today. i usually take light naps and wake up within the hour. I also never dream and have a easy time waking when necessary, but sometimes i sleep in my car now because i hate not being able to relax as much into my sleep. well today, i dreamt heavily and i had one of those nightmares where you know you're asleep and trying really hard to wake up, and yet you can't seem to no matter what you do, and then you do things that you think are helping you to wake up but you don't. it was caused when i dreamt that i heard my coworkers talking about me and how i'd disappeared from my desk again and been gone for awhile. i tried so hard to wake up, thinking that i was back late, that i'd been asleep for hours, but i heard the morning radio talk show and i know that doesn't end til 10am, so i knew i hadn't actually slept that long. and i was trying really hard to just lift up my hand to the steering wheel, as a way of getting myself together. it was supposedly hot in the car, and i was feeling dizzy because of it, but i would later realize that this was all a part of the dream. when i actually did get up, i realized it had actually gotten hot in the car. i wonder if the weather had caused his "delusion".
i haven't gone swimming or done any form of exercising for the 3rd week now. i think part of it is because marcos left so now i have no motivation to do it anymore. but i know i'll get back into it soon. i actually lost quite a bit of weight despite not exercising, but i know that's because i haven't been eating. i only eat about one meal a day, which is at dinner, and i don't eat that much then either. part of the problem is i'm too lazy to cook, the other is because i like that i'm losing weight. but i'm a little depressed over the weight loss too because i know i'm losing muscle, not fat. i feel almost as if those last 5 weeks that i was exercising was all in vain. but on the other side, i'm privately happy that i'm weighing at 150lb now... i just wonder how accurate the scale is.
we've been kinda looking at houses on and off to possibly buy. by we, i mean my mom and kinda my dad and me of course. the reason why my mom is looking so hard to push us to buy a house is because right now she could still help me with paying some of it. plus, my parents own property, and they really like that they are able to generate this extra source of income (from tenants) without too much work. and my mom is all about doing easy work for generous profits. (this is why she recommended me being a nurse, or a dental hygenist, or other position that makes a lot of money without doing much work) my mom has always believed the prosperity meant happiness. i mean, it's not completely untrue, but it's never as easy as she makes it sound.
anyway, so i'm kind of interested in the whole thing. i mean, who doesn't want to get easy money? there's this property kinda close to where me and c are living right now. but c is against the whole thing, so i haven't told him too much abuot it. c thinks that since my parents will be pretty much running everything, they should be the ones buying under their names. my mom doesn't want to do that, because she already has 2 properties plus the house we grew up in, so for one thing it would be hard to be approved for a loan and such, and her second reason is that she doesn't want to deal with a will when she passes away, she thinks that the tax rate will be too high, that once the property does actually get passed down to me, there will be a bunch of money i'd have to pay to get it, so why bother with all that when this property will go to me anyway.
since i know nothing about buying houses, or the benefits or not of it, i'm obviously a little lost. i worry maybe i'm not seeing a bigger picture as c seems to indicate, but then again it's worked out well for my mom. she's had her properties for over 5 years, and probably longer.
meanwhile i've been worrying about money this month. by this i don't mean that i'm dirt poor and need to scrape to get by, i'm saying this cause i can't seem to save as much money as i'd like (yes i know, me with my first world problems). the rent has gone up since marcos moved out, and now we're paying the internet ourselves too. i've been decently okay at saving about $1000 a month, but now I won't be able to make that number anymore.. i don't think. not unless, i heavily cut off groceries and eating out. but i don't think c thinks about that kinda stuff. he spent like 100 bucks on groceries this month, and a lot of it was chips and cookies, (and god chips and cookies cost so much money), and also he bought soda too. i think he spent like maybe $50+ on just these items alone. i think c's the type of person that will buy what he likes if he can afford it then and there. he won't think about the rent until rent is due a week later. i guess it's a little bothersome sometimes, but i think we are young and should be spending. i don't want to be completely like my mom. she's too good at saving money, makes everyone look like they don't know how to save money. besides, it could be worse, c could be like marcos. i never understood marcos. he makes a decent amount of money, yet he can never pay off his credit card bills. he has terrible money management. he is the king of buying things he want without really thinking about if he can afford it.
oh yeah, c's finally going to graduate school next year. i'm EXTREMELY pleased about this. once he graduates, he can finally start working and money wouldn't be so hard anymore, and he would be able to pay for things more often. plus, it means maybe he can finally save up some money so we could get married.