rejected
@ 1:23 p.m.
wow. by chance i decided to go to jeff's facebook today. well, maybe it was not complete chance. after all, i've been bored pretty much all day at work, and re-looking at a lot of my old diary entries and i did stumble onto an adventures with jeff and also chris escapade and i don't know why, but i guess i was wondering what he was up to.
and it looks as though he got married, i believe yesterday. in london it seems... i didn't know he was still there. i guess he's planning to live there after all. and his new japanese wife. i'm not surprised that it ended up that she was japanese. isn't life crazy like that, how you can know someone from so young, and then next thing you know, it's marriage. i was not upset or sad, or felt any kind of loss. or anything that as an ex-gf i might feel, instead i felt genuine happiness for him. if there was something that upset it was that he got to have a wedding with friends around him (first). i worry that since i lack friends, i won't get to have a wedding, and i was slightly jealous that he married first, since i've been with c longer, but the point is that even my heart has finally learned that it's been over for a long time between us.
speaking of that whole friends thing, she hasn't accepted me, and i don't think she will. i'm pretty much sure of it. and i'm a little sad about it i guess, but maybe she remembers that we weren't good friends better than i think we were good friends. i guess i'm finding myself asking, isn't there anybody out there for me? (but about friends instead of a bf/gf)
i even tried to look on craigslist for possible people to talk or hang out with, but everyone sounds so insincere. or the other half is people who i wouldn't want to hang out with for fear that they're probably drug dealers or in some kind of gang. i've almost gone so desperate as to maybe try to reach out to be friends with chris.
just checked his facebook.. god he hasn't been on facebook even longer than me. the last time he did something was oct of last year. the only other way i could possibly reach him is probably aim, but i wonder if he still even goes on that thing anymore.
i tried signing up for a book club last week on meetup.com but they've yet to accept me. why do i feel like when i submitted that "application" i wrote down something awful and now they don't want to accept me anymore. god, i just want one friend i can talk to. it seems so impossible.