hotto
@ 9:36 a.m.
freaking andrew scared the shit out of me just minute ago when I tried to get on diaryland, but apparently it was down. I thought OH NO IT'S GONE FOREVER! and it made me really depressed. it must be part of my keep-everything-the-way-it-has-been-as-it-is-forever nature, cause the day that even diaryland is gone, well, then life will have truly changed. it was bad enough when diary-x was gone, we don't need to see everything gone and change... there's no way in hell i would ever want to open a blog on wordspace, and the truth is nothing is quite like diaryland.
i thought i would write because since my entry, i decided to try to reach out to an old friend. by that i mean, i tried to add an old friend on facebook. it seems like something happened to her, a lot like me, in the sense that she had deleted her facebook account and made a new one... so something must've happened that made her do that. she seems a little introverted (not nearly as bad as me - no one can be as bad as me) but i don't know if that's accurate, i just know something happened to her awhile back that's made her cautious or weary. this has only made me believe that we could be friends unlike all those other people on my friends list. that this makes her more human than all those other people on my list. i swear none of the people on my list are human. i don't really want to talk to any of them. but anyway, so i added her i think on sunday. it is now thursday and i haven't been approved. i've been back on her page, and i'm almost sure she has logged on to her facebook, and doesn't want to approve me. i say this because there seems to be some recent activity on her page. so now i'm not sure what to do. should i try to reach out to her, but what would i say? the fact that i'm messaging her would make me sound desperate and i have a feeling that no matter what i end up saying in my message, it's going to end up screaming even more of desperation. and i don't want to come off too strong.
ugh, why don't i like people? when i look back at all the friends i made, i either can't stand them, was never close to them, can't imagine being close to them, don't want to become close to them because i have a feeling they will look down on me from their high pedestal, don't think we could become friends because of those differences, or a combination of these things. she's the only one that is the exemption in the rule. at least as far as i can remember anyway. but i'm kind of thinking that maybe she remembers something i don't? maybe i was rude or mean or did something that she didn't like and she remembers after all these years. on the other hand, i keep thinking that maybe i just don't remember that she's not so perfect and i couldn't stand her. maybe it's like i can only remember the good things, but not the bad. so maybe it's a good thing she didn't add me. i'm not sure what my next steps should be. gee, if only i had a friend who i could ask for advice on this.
also another thing i'm curious about. we got so many dating sites, why isn't there one for making friends? am i the only one that can't meet people friend-wise? everyone only seems to want to meet people they could potentially date. uggggh sometimes i feel like such a loner.