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@ 12:59 p.m.
when i was high the other day, we were looking for something to watch on his computer to go with the mood, but while we were doing that, i found this Program he had on his computer. and i was like what's that? he opens it up and it's this space simulator, of some galaxies and earth, our solar system, etc. i hate thinking about this kind of stuff because I don't like to think about how insignifican we really are. Did you know it would take us 6 years to travel to Mars, and don't forget about the fucking return trip. That's really insane. And for some reason, I always thought our planet was unique in that we have this blueish-greenish color planet with white (clouds) and that we were distinguishable, but the simulator made me realize that we are not even a tiny ass dot in the spectrum of things. out there, we're not distinguishable at all. it also makes me kind of depressed. people seem to constantly think of a future, and in specifics, i mean parents who are always saying shit like, we have to protect the enviornment for our children. maybe it's different for me since i don't have children, but whenever i think of people who say that, i want to know what's the fucking point. one day when our sun collapses, everything our planet has ever worked for would all be in vain. this strutral system that we have built, or morals, ecnomics, science, religion, would all be for naught. even if we had souls-so to speak- i don't really believe there is a place for them after our sun is gone. and you know what else is scary.. fucking astronauts if they get lost in space. it's like being lost in the woods-- except scarier. at least in the woods, the trees don't move. and it's kind of conforting being around an area that you have an idea about all your life. god, imagine being lost in space. Fuck, good luck navigating your way home.
so today's day 1 of the manager starting her maternity leave. here's what i've managed to accomplish today. Sleep for 2 and half hours. Eat for maybe half an hour. and the rest of the time consists of checking my personal email, looking at books, and oh yea don't forget diaryland. I guess I've managed to put in maybe an hour's work at most so far. God, I want to go home. Not much to do lately. I know I should take advantage of it, but can't help just noticing this level of boredom is too much even for me.
C tried to initiate sex last night around 4 or 5 am. his sleeping schedule is erratically different from mine. so 4 or 5 am is when he starts to go to sleep. I just really wasn't into it. I went to sleep late, and I tend to really enjoy sleeping. also, i couldn't imagine the cleaning up i have to do if we have sex. why can't it be less messier? i wish i could be into it more, but all i can think abuot is what i'm giving up if i have sex.. lack of sleep from said sex, lack of sleep from cleaning up. that's like an hour. am i crazy? but then c probably wouldn't initiate if he was sleepy as fuck either.