379
@ 3:33 p.m.
uhhh so i better updated because i have a few things to write about.
the other guy i worked for, he said he would be busy this weekend and then he'd be on vacation to canada the next weekend so i'm not going for the next 2 weekends. he said we could discuss me possibly working for him again when he returns next thursday or something like that. i'm not sure what i have planned to say to him. on the one hand, i'm kind of tempted to keep working for him cause well i am tempted by the extra money. who isn't interested in extra money? and the other thing is, i kind of want to keep working for him until my brother gets his license, then maybe he could start to work for him. i mean the job tasks are really easy that my brother could do them. this was my mom's idea. and i'm for this idea. the thing is, he only started learning to drive this summer and he still hasn't taken the 20 hours or however many it is with a driving instructor yet. and then after that he has to take the driving test. so all in all, it could be 4 or 5 months of time in which i have to work. another is that raise. would he still want me to work for him if i asked for $20 an hour? it's an awful lot. and that girl that was working for him after i left only got paid $12 an hour. (i started at $13 an hour) makes me kind of wonder how much he would really want to keep me around. i think that he could easily find another person to train and to do his work for him. but i think the problem may be that he's tired of people just coming and then leaving within a few months. after all, i think i was the only one that stayed for such a long time (a year and half), everyone else was like months, maybe 6 months at the most. it really isn't anything you could do long term. and he really can't even afford to give you more than part time work. there simply isn't that much work. so that's my dilemma with that.
so my pen pal finally wrote me back. she wrote me on monday i believe and of course she told me all the encouragement that i really wanted to and needed to hear. it's really nice being encouraged by someone to pursue your dream. though even i have serious doubts about it. but hearing her say that my story sounded interesting, that it's the type of story she wants to read about really made me excited. it made me feel like hey, maybe i'm not the only one interested in these types of things. she would like me to write out the story so she could read it! hah! i'm still on like page 10 or something. but anyway all week long i had put it off, i haven't been doing anything. okay, scratch that. i have been watching law and order svu all week. i don't know if netflix is a blessing or a curse. it's probably a blessing. if it wasn't for netflix i'd been on ragnarok. i really wish i could say which one was more productive. (neither) i have watched over 20 episodes of law and order this week. anyway, i finally got my courage up and OPENED up the document. and today during lunch i actually added a paragraph and some dialog. haha. it turns out i hadn't touched it since july. i don't know what gets to me so much about it, but when i think about it, i just don't want to do it. i don't know why. i just have a hard time opening up the document. but then i opened it up today and i couldn't help but want to add to it now. it's not like i really know exactly what to say but it's almost as if my confidence was boosted enough that i could imagine what i couldn't before. i really like the main character i'm creating. he's such a flawed creature, it's bloody brilliant. i'm very happy to say that at least when i write my pen pal back, i can report to her that i've at least worked on it so i won't disappoint her. i really hope i can continue to work on it. i think one of the hardest things i'll have to do is moving the story and the plot along. i think half of my problem is not knowing what's going to happen next. that there's so many possibilites that if i decide one thing then what about the other things i won't be able to include? i think because of this decision, i don't nkow which path i want to put my character on because i'm not sure what i want him to learn from his experiences, therefore i don't know which experience/path would be appropriate. but my pen pal keeps reminding me that there's always editing. but i think the thought that i'd be forced to take out a huge chunk of what i wrote up bothers me. and it's mostly because i don't want to rewrite the hard work i put into the first copy. i wish i could get over this because i think it's keeping me from being a much better writer. the truth is that without revision, the story wouldn't be complete, so i just wish i could take re-writing as part of the process, the necessary process, rather than have it feel like i wasted my time on the first draft.
i dyed my hair red last weekend. i was going to have it dark maybe bright brilliant red, but instead i got orange/brownish red instead. i hated it so much at first, but when my mom saw me she thought it looked nice. i told c about how i didn't like it and he said that it looked weird. i wonder if he would've thought it looked good had i not said anything. like maybe i swayed him to think it was weird becasue i thought it was weird. well, i've kind of gotten used to it now and i actually kind of like it. it's pretty nice. i've never dyed my hair so light or even remotely close to red before, so it's a cool change i guess. now i'm worried and annoyed about when my dark roots will grow back. it hasn't even been a week, yet that's all i've thought about when i think of my hair. maybe i shouldn't dye it so light anymore.
it's so weird hearing c talk about usc sometimes. it reminds me kinda of my college days. he has some class where he has to write essays and he has some club he joined that he seems to like. i'm definitely not jealous about the essays, but i'm jealous by how well adjusted he is. he transfered there and he's starting to know people and make more friends than i ever did at my school and i started there as a freshman. i wish i had one ounch of c's natural charm, easy going demeanor, and socially amiable personality. bleh, guess i was never blessed enough to be as good as him.