follow me into the dark
@ 11:17 p.m.
everyone that reads my shit here knows that i'm not really into writing sentimental stuff (anymore), and maybe it's partly to do with my apathy, but the point is that i don't really write anything that would melt anyone's heart.
but the truth of the matter is that despite what i say about c, and if i have bad mouth him or complained about him... or maybe even worse that i have never seemed to cared about him or made much of a caring emotional gesture toward him... i think it's true that so many times about so many things we're so incompatible, and a lot of the things he does bother me, and sure he sometimes think i'm a bitch, but the truth of the real matter is that no one could love me as much as he loves me. and no one could even love more than he loves me.
and i say this posting a youtube video (ew- something that is totally against me)
mainly because every time i hear this song i get so sad and i always feel like crying. besides the fact that the lyrics are so damn maddeningly and sweetly sad, it is probably the song that i strongly associate with c. he told me this when we started dating. at the time i hadn't even known what this song was about. i could only gather what it was basically talking about from certain phrases that i had caught and remembered. and at that time i hadn't thought much of it or try to figure it out because we had just started dating and i hadn't made it that big of a deal to find out.
later on when i asked about the meaning of the song, it finally dawned on me what he was trying to say to me. he had been that strongly in love with me from the start.
and what says it any stronger than that? that if i were gone that life would cease. that if i were gone, he would follow me. and it wouldn't matter where i was, that's where he'd go. i don't think there's any other simpler way to define love. and i really love this music video. i think part of the beauty of it is that no one wants to commit suicide, yet when the one we love is taken away from us, we have this void that keep trying to swallow us up and yes, some of us that are just that overcome by grief to walk into the dark.
i just really wanted to write this because i don't want to be stupid and take him for granted because i know i do. i know he's not perfect and gets on my nerves a lot, but i don't think that anyone could be as blessed as i am to have been loved by a real love. to truly be loved. and i think i'm ashamed that i'm not sure i could give it back.
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son, fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark