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@ 9:21 p.m.
i had a dream last night that i masterbated and i actually came. it was weird but i can't really recall must of what happened. or maybe i just think i came but i didn't. i wonder if guys have dream like these and that's what gives them their wet dreams. hah. but i'm pretty sure guys fap too much to have wet dreams in general.. once they pass that age.
i only wanted to write that tonight since over like a month or two i decided to fap.. maybe because of that dream? but truth be told i've been thinking about it for awhile, mostly because usually when c and i have sex i don't usually come.
but honestly, after having done it, i just feel empty inside. it felt so boring and plain. there was nothing really that exciting about it, it must've temporary felt great for like literally not even seconds, and then after that it was just emptiness. c tells me all the time how fapping by himself is really not fun and that he'd much rather have me around. i wonder if this is what he's experiencing? because honestly if tonight had been the first time i'd done this, i'd literally would've wondered for days what the big deal was with wanting an orgasm so bad.
i'm not sure if i'm disappointed by realizing this prospect or not. i don't do it enough that it really impacts me after all. but i just wonder what was up with tonight.