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@ 5:25 p.m.
I honestly often wonder why i am such a socially awkward idiot. but then i know it's because i just don't have normal thoughts. when i see the way girls behave.. well, how typical girls behave, i just generally loathe all of them. i feel like they're all so fake. why aren't there any more real people in the world? but i sometimes feel like even if there were these real people in the world, it wouldn't really change that i wouldn't get along THAT well with him. i'd be able to stand them and hang out with them, but i doubt that i could truly express my outlooks to the world. i think that's why i like dexter so much. he's socially awkward because his view points/ideas/needs/desires aren't normal, and aren't acepted. i feel like that too. like my thoughs are too cruel. i've been thinking about the entry i wrote yesterday, and i can't help but think that what i said was harsh, but yet i can't take it any of it back, because it's honestly how i feel. i wish i didn't sound so bitter or so cynical, but i really just can't help i feel. and i don't know if it's honestly bitterness that i'm feeling or not, but i simply know it is how i feel. i think that's why i say so much dumb things sometimes, that i let out my real thoughts, and then people think what the hell is wrong with her? sure i'm no murderer, but then that's a terrible level of comparison to be at. no, i don't wish i were more normal or had normal thoughts. i just wish it wasn't so hard to find someone similar to me.