uggghhh
@ 9:01 p.m.
ugggghh. what a complete waste of a day. after work today, we had to go down to our local police station because long story short, my grandmother's social security number is being used some random girl in bakersfield, california. so we went there to try to file a report, and of course it's never as easy as that. we had to wait for over 20 minutes for someone to speak to us, and then after that nobody helped us with our case until nearly after one and a half hour of waiting. it was fucking ridiculous. what do the fucking cops do all day? i see them going in and out of the office, and they just walk by, and they all completely ignore anybody and everyone. and i read their stupid sign that says the police don't discriminate, and i was thinking, yeah they don't help anyone equally. in any case, after we finally got helped, of course it turns out, they can't do anything for us because the victim is my grandmother, and even though she's been on bed rest in a convalescent home for 2 years, and can't even speak english, we (me and my mom) still can't speak on her behalf. so basically we waited all that time just for someone to tell us that we need to contact another city's police (the one the home is at) and have another cop meet my grandma at the home. somehow i have to wonder how long we'll have to end up waiting for the cop at the home if it came down to that. this whole thing is so bullshit. why is it so easy for some random ass chick to steal my grandma's identity/ss#, and yet we have to wait an hour and a half to try to report the incident and fail. wtf is wrong with our system?!
in other news, last night i hung out at marcos's with c, which i hadn't done in awhile. basically, i stayed the night at his placed, and left at 7:40ish to go to work this morning. i got semi drunk, definitely tipsy last night, and that was fun while it lasted, no complains there, but for some reason, later on when i woke up, i just got so cmpeltely irritable. and pretty unreasonably so. the only thing i could think of that might explain for all of it is that i was jealous. basically, they were looking through the 4chan forums, i believe they were looking through gifs, and then also some other stuff. i'm not sure. the gif board is compeltely animated pictures fyi. anyway, i can't really see the computer screen at the angle i was at, but i awoke to their talking. i can't even rememebr what they were saying now, now that i think about it, but i just remember feeling so angry and wanting them to shut up. and the reason for that was simply because i couldn't see what was on the computer screen, and i knew i didn't have the time to be up and about to be watching the computer screen. basically, i think i was mad that they were having a good time while i was trying to get some sleep. i wonder if all of that was in part "left over feelings" from a dream i was having? i really don't know, but it felt awful... absolutely awful, and it's actually making me feel like i don't want to go back to marcos's next week... (the thing is, i rarely get the oppurtunity to go because i work my second job usually on sundays) but i guess i should go cause i won't be getting much of a choice in the matter later on if i don't seize the oppurtunity now. anyway, i really hope i have some good dreams tonight and i wake up feeling very refreshed tomorrow. currently, all i can seem to do is recall how i was feeling, and feel it, and just feel so annoyed, and irritated. i just felt like punching them, and it makes no sense. i didn't know i could be feel with such a strong jealousy.
i hate the way it is when marcos's is around sometimes. c's attention is divided that i feel like he forgets i'm even alive. i'm still so pissed at the fact that he didn't even decide to walk me out the door.. i think he almost always forgest to walk me out at marcos's. wtf?? it's like suddnely i don't exist anymore. the whole thing pissed me off. god, i probbaly sound retarded and whiney, but i'm gonna stop writing about this and pray and hope that by tomorrow i stop feeling this way because it's BOTHERING THE FUCK OUT OF ME. i mean, honestly, wtf happened last night that's making me behave like this? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
and today has been a terrible shitty day, that started out with me waking up to my bf and his friend giggling, telling, pointing, describing, and coming up with crazy notions of these certain crazy gifs they were looking at, and all i can think is DIDN'T THEY KNOW I WANTED TO LOOK TOO, BUT FUCK IT'S NOT LIKE I COULD CAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING BECAUSE I HAD WORK THE NEXT DAY, SO THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT THE SHIT FOR MY SAKE BECAUSE I COULDN'T LOOK AT IT. god wtf is wrong with me...