that damned facebook message
@ 5:06 p.m.
ooohh yea. so i forgot to mention, the reason why i even brought up/started talking about/posting those emails about jeff was because i noticed last weekend that he wrote me to wish me happy birthday on my wall on facebook.
"Hey! I'm pretty certain it's your birthday today so... happy birthday! Have a wonderful day and a week, whatever your plans are! (and if i'm wrong about your bday..er... )"
and yes, he did get the day right, but i guess i had spent so much thinking what did he mean by that, that i started reading those emails again. like, i kept wondering if it was because he wanted to talk to me? did he miss me? did he want to imply a little more? or did he not really care, he just saw that it was my brithday and had a minute to spare to wish me happy birthday. and i can't help but wonder if more people posted, wishing me happy birthday if i wouldn't have made such a big deal out of his post. (but i'm never on facebook) but i hate facebook anyway, people are so shallow on there. i don't know why they decide that they want to invite me to join so-and-so club, or whatever it is that they invite me to (i can't tell half the time), when they haven't spoken to me in months and months, years even, and they don't even write on my wall, they don't try to contact me at all, yet their comfortable enough to invite me to this random thing just for their benefit... come on, have some more sense than that. i'm sure half the people that invite me to these things don't even have any idea of who i am anymore. like they look at my photo and try to recall how we met, but just have no idea! but then they decide to invite me to w/e anyway. i fucking hate these people... but i digress.
i've been wondering if i should be reading into that message more than what's presented. is it saying that he wants us to email each other? is it saynig he's thinking of me? is it saying that he thought my email was fabulous that... idk.. that it means something? DO I MEAN SOMETHING TO HIM?! god, the questions are never ending. i think i'm just reading too much into it, but on the other i'd love to email him even as a friend because well, people to talk are hard to come by for me these days. and jeff was always good with emails.. just not good at replying fast. because it always had to be a "proper" email.
but i think i'm just reading too much into this. i thuoght about emailing him or something to see if he meant more, if we could be friends, but i'm just stupid that's all. i'll probably come off the wrong way.. or just plain obsessive, unhappy or needy. i'm just gonna ignore that he wrote me a note at all. i know that sounds mean, but come on.. read that email i wrote him again and i dare anybody to accuse me of being capable of easily ignoring him. i'd just make a fool of myself if i wrote to him, and besides i should think that he knows i want us to write each other (though knowing him (being a typical guy) he probably won't get that idea.. who knows) and i just hope that he'll eventually email me when he has spare time to write me. even though it was nice that he rememebred me, even if it was a stupid facebook message that told him. at least it told him and he chose not to ignore it.
FUCK.