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@ 6:00 p.m.
ok- trying the whole update everyday thing, so much so that i'm actually even willing to write at home! unbelievable. today was a little busy at work, but not too bad... one good thing that did happen, is that i happen to stumble upon a fax that didn't go through (which probably was eventually sent again), and it contained information indicating that we are in fact looking for another worker! YES! so it was a fax to some newspaper agency and to ask them to print out this add for 2 weeks. hopefully the position will fill right away, because i'm so tired of being so busy! also, i might as well mention, i semi lied about starting school to work, so now i'm leaving at 4pm instead of 5 on tues/thurs. my class doesn't start until march, but even then technically it's an online class. i need the extra time to study probably, but i suppose it's not what i would call required, but the way the boss has been working us lately, and i was unsure whether he would hire again, i had to do something to stop from working til 6pm everyday with not even overtime. anyway, i'm glad that's all straightened out. and since i will be leaving early now, i'll never be late for my class at the gym on tues/thurs. YESSS!
so before i forget, i want to write out that for my birthday, my mom got me a very expensive watch. i've always liked watches since i was like 5, and that hasn't changed growing up. so finally, my mom bought me an omega constellation, looks very similar to this, except a few minor difference. it's sooo pretty and i love it. i just feel so unworthy of it, as if this watch clearly belongs to the wrong person. i'm gonna try really hard to take good care of it.. every time i look at it, i really feel like i fall in love, but at the same time i'm reminded how little i am of worth in comparison to it.
c got me pineapples for my birthday. that's right pineapples. i was so surprised that i didn't know what to say. it was pleasant in the sense that it wasn't his usual plushy gifts that he's given me so many times in the past year, because i think a part of me was dreading seeing something like that and being excited. but seeing as how they were pineapples, i actually instantly felt so much better. i know how ridiculous it sounds, who gives pineapples to anyone for anyone's birthdays? but actually, i really liked them. the pineapples were really extremely sweet, and actually pineapples are rare to come by during this season, and part of the reason that c got me pineapples was because he thought i'd like them. it's not to say that i don't because i DO love pineapples, they are delicious, but it was so surprising to me that he thought that i liked them THIS much. nonetheless, i have to say it was so much more enjoyable than another plushy.
on another note, last night i had the craziest dream. so i was stranded in the middle of nowhere in my supposed car, except now rationally thinking i realize that wasn't my car. anyway, it was raining and i really couldn't do anything about it, and then along drove by this car and i knew that guy in there... and somehow i knew he lived nearby, so i walked to his house (cause of course i knew the way..), knocked and asked to speak to him. i don't really remember what was discussed... but i remember at what point, this other girl that he liked or had feelings for was brought up. oh and btw, i really have no clue who this guy is/was/supposed to represent. anyway, that girl eventually leaves, and somehow we came upon the idea of having sex. i knew he liked me and i knew i liked him too, but he was a virgin, and in my head i knew i was dating c, and i was very aware of the fact that i still had feelings or something for jeff, but despite that i decided that it was okay because it was a dream... now that makes no sense to me whatsoever, because i KNOW while i had that dream, it felt very real to me, and i honestly in reality didn't know it was a dream, but for some reason that didn't make any sense, i decided that it was a dream. it was like... well, if it happened right at this moment, i would just rationally decide its a dream based on absolutely nothing, no proof, nada, but just decided because it sounded better that way that it was a dream so therefore it was. in any case, this was excuse enough in my dream self, and i decided then that fucking this guy who i'm pretty sure in my dream i realized i only semi-knew, and most of all i just a had a really big crush on him and was very physically attracted to him, was worth risking my relationship with c and worth forgetting about jeff to be with. so we did it - we fucked, and well, for being a virgin, in my goddamn dream, he was damn good. i'm actually not able to come from just the sole act of sex, but in my dream i came. and that's so surprising and amazing, because i've had sex dreams before, and i've had masturbating dreams too, but i've never come in any of them. i'm always either interrupted whether by being woken up or something happening in the dream, or that i try very hard someway, somehow to come but i never reach their and in my dream i give up. so this was new to me. it was very, very new to me. and i know whoever reads this is thinking how did that feel? and well, i really can't say anything besides that i think i felt how i would have felt coming in real life, but the fact is that i'm more than 100% sure i didn't really come in my sleep. it was as if i imagined the way coming felt like in real life and tied to my head while i was asleep and associated something i knew i was supposed to feel and decided that i felt that because that's what i'm supposed to feel when i come. does that make any sense? in any case, after the super good sex, he was sad... and distraught. he decided it was stupid that we had sex because we weren't together (i don't know if he realized i even had a boyfriend), and that he wasted his virginity, instead of saving it on someone special. i really didn't know what to say to him, but i remember that i felt that i wasn't regretful. i think i was glad that it happened. and it's weird, i can briefly remember the outlines of the way he looked, i couldn't paint a portrait, nor could anyone else do it for me with descriptions, but i can't help but feel that i can see him in my mind. who was he? i wonder if this dream was brought on by the fact that i've been reading those linda howard books. i can't regret the sex in that dream because it was so enjoyable. i wish i could keep the way i felt in that dream alive. as more time passes between when the dream happened and now, i remember and recall less and less how i felt during that dream, and it sucks, because i found it so enjoyable, and i'm sure that within a few days i'll forget this nameless stranger and pretty soon i'll forget he ever existed or that the dream happened, much less the way i had felt then.
ok i have to get going to the gym, it's already so late! i'm sure there's more i want to write but i can't remember them anyway. hopefully i get better at the remembering.