yes i'm insane with my crazy mood swings
@ 2:31 p.m.
you know what. this is awesomely great. i'm still a little sad, but really the best way to describe it is that i've been mourning over a missing person, and now i finally realized that person has passed away. i mean it is EXACTLY that. if jeff had decided that we should try again, i would be meeting a strangers. isn't that meeting someone who was missing for 9, 10 years like? after such a long time you REALLY don't know them anymore. though i'm sure that you're glad they're there and whatnot, it doesn't change that that person is probably an absolute stranger, and i think i can really relate with that feeling. but knowing that he's "dead" makes me feel like i'm able to move on. i can really relate to people who want answers as opposed to not knowing. i'm so glad that all of this happened, I CAN FINALLY MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE!
with that said, I LOOOOVE MY NEW JOB. they don't have a time card, so they don't get all fussy about being 1 minute late. (which i absolutely hated about the job that i just got fired from). they're cool about shit if you want to work from 8-5 or 8:30 to 5:30 and he said even 7:30-4:30 would be okay eventually. now that shit is just bitching. i also love the fact that i have my own cubicle. i know that's weird, but i've never had my own and because of it, i'm soooo happy. also, nobody here pushes me to take lunch, and i'm allowed to go whenever the fuck i want to (fuck yeah awesome). i get my own computer. they don't watch you 24/7 like my last boss did, so i can even check my email if i wanted to. i basically will be managing my own work, being independent so that i, on my own will be doing work! this is so fucking awesome. this is the type of job that i've always wanted. i love everything about it!! (except the pay... it's $1800 a month before taxes) they said that they'll give me a raise to $2000 in 3 months, and there's lots of room to advance. i'm really happy here. the people aren't bad either. the president seems more like a coworker than a president. and the managers are pretty much coworkers.
i've decided that i'm definitely going to work on writing my book. i've only written less than a chapter, but i really want to be seriuos about it this time. i really want to write a book. and then i want to find a publishing company. i need to know that i did at least one thing meaningful in my life.
lastly, as soon as i get my money at the end of the month, and when things settle down i'm going to sign up for a gym. i have to lose some goddamn weight. there's no excuses this time. i have a to fucking live! i really should make some thing of myself!