nothing ever gets better
@ 11:11 p.m.
what the fuck is the point of living? i really ... really want tokill myself this time. what have i got to live for anyway. i feel so completely miserable and honestly i think i've been this way for a long time. i don't think i've been happy ever in my whole life. and i just don't undersatnd what any point of this is all for. life is so overrated. it's not like in the end it means anything. i probbaly don't deserve to live anyway. i've never done anythihng of value, and all i do is say how shit it is. and how i hate my current situation. but what does it change anyway.
"nothing ever gets better" kayleigh said it best in butterfly effect. i'm so sick of everything. there's no meaning in my life, no significance, whatsoever. i'm not really that happy with c really. i'm just making the best with him... and that's pretty much all i even do in life. what's the point of all of this? i don't want to love anyone anymore. i don't want to get rich. i don't want anything. i just wish i could be unfeeling, constantly apathetic. i'm pretty much dead on the inside anyway. i'm just tired. i'm completely, utterly exhausted.
isn't life so unfair? so many people die everyday, so many young people in accidents or so many people whose life get taken from then when they were perfectly good people. perfectly good healthy people who deserve so much life, and happiness... and then there are people like me who say they're tired of it all, and you know what, i'm probably gonna die of old age. how's that for fair?