just tell me the truth. i'm not a little girl
@ 10:40 p.m.
haven't written in a short while, even though a lot... well some things have been going on lately. i think i mentioned that i got fired from that last job i had. the one at the japanese place with donna and k. if i haven't mentioned it, well, it's pretty much old news now. since then i've been semi looking for a job, but not very well.
today, i got offered a job. it's at another import/export place. it seems similar to my old job. i saw 3 of the works there today, they looked about my age, and reminded me of k and donna. except the were named phong (pronouced phone), joyce (? i think..) and scott. they're all asian, and even the work load... a lot of it reminded me of working at the other place. they pay me a little more, and they're a bit more flexible about time, so i think i appreciate that. they're giving me $1800 to start, after 3 month's probation it will be $2000. i dunno if i will like it there. i hope so. but if the boss is going to be looking over my shoulder constantly (like the last one.. >.>) well then fuck that i will look for a new job.
but the thing is, this new job is near my old house. my parent's place. and it's not very close to c's place actually. so i'm probably going to be living at home now. so that'll be different. i went home today and ended up playing mario kart for awhile with my brother and i found it to be one of the most enjoyable things that i've done in awhile. isn't that weird?
in other news, so jeff got my letter tuesday and he hasn't written me since. i get that he's busy but it's absolutely killing me. i've been listening to a lot of utada hikaru and lifehouse and it's bringing back so many memories. i'm also so sad that i really don't have anything written by him anymore. all i have are a few letters, which isn't much at all. but i read a couple today, and i dunno. what happened to those feelings that he felt? are they gone? were they never real?
i feel like he doesn't really care about me anymore i don't know. he's really busy though, no doubt about that because he's been working from 8am - 9pm everyday, so yea i know how that can be... but this waiting is killing me, and it's making me so nervous. god, why can't he just tell me his answer already.
i really think that he doesn't care about me like that anymore. he didn't even look at my diary. god, is he really that busy? i don't know anymore. i feel like what we had was all fake and a lie. i dont know why he couldn't have just written me SOMETHING by now. god and if he does want to be with me, then what's taking him so long to say it. why isn't he talking to me already. why doesn't he fucking act like he wants to be with me?! instead, he's always too busy. ALWAYS TOO BUSY FOR ME. FUCK HIM.