it's the end of the world as i know it
@ 5:07 p.m.
just looked back on my last entry and wow that seemed like awhile ago. i dunno if i should be updating more frequently or not. sometimes i think about it but i'm too lazy to open the page and write i guess. my keyboard broke recently so i'm having trouble typing out z and question mark. >.> it's pretty annoying.
so that bet thing i talked about last time didn't work out, but i have to say that in the past week i haven't really been on ro and it's ok. i don't think ro has this death grip on me like it used to, but i'm not sure that i'm ready to give it up yet. but just so we're clear that deal i was talking about last time definitely did not happen. i think after the 3rd day i started playing ro behind his back... and then on the 4th i kinda told him. i feel like he was disappointed in me, but he says he's not. in any case, he never bought the game for me anyway, so i guess nothing of value was lost... money-wise. i dunno when i'll be able to completely give up ro, but i don't think it's quite now. only time will know i guess.
so my last final was today, and i'm now done with school... well kinda. my graduation ceremony is going to be this saturday, but i think it's stupid. i think i enjoyed my high school graduation more, and i know it's because there was more people there that i knew and cared about. i'm really saddened by the fact that i have no friends... and you know maybe it's time i should make some.. but the problem is i honestly don't know how to make friends. :/ i know it's sad but it's the truth. and i think i'm kinda picky about friends too. god, how the fuck do you make friends? i wish my parents taught me... and i guess part of the problem is not exactly that i don't know how to make friends (though that's part of it), a big part of it is that i don't know how to keep friends. i dunno why i find this part to be so damn difficult. :( bleh i've kinda gone off topic.
so anyway, i don't find my graduation to be that big of a deal, but the counselor lady i talked to said that i should go cause it's "once in a lifetime" sort of things, and yea, i get that it is, but i feel like there are some things in life that aren't that big of a deal if they're missed and i feel that this is definitely one of them. but despite not wanting to go, and telling my mom that, she thinks that i should go.. and it's funny that though i'm graduating, i feel like i'm doing it for other people and not myself. maybe part of the thing is that i've just been living inside this house too long and maybe i should get out and do something, and not just for going out to eat or something like that. maybe i want to ride a bike again or something. ugh. but i bet i will buy one and ride it once and have that be the end... i wish i was in shape, and that i was in shape-prone. but the way i am, i just lie around being a couch potato no matter where i go. that's why i can't lose weight. bleh.......
on a totally different note. i still haven't found a job, but then again, saying that would mean that i've been looking and i really have not. i don't really know where people look for jobs. the only place that i've looked for is craigslist, but i don't know if i could find anything there. maybe i should donate my eggs for thousands, ha. i thought about doing a waitressing job, because let's face it, the tips are awesome at jobs like that, but who knows if they'd even want me since i don't really have experience in that sort of thing.
c's also staring up this new company thing and he wants me to build a website. also, marcos is going to be the artist guy in the production, so yeah us 3 we'll make it big right? i keep hoping, but then again who the fuck knows. i have hope, yes, but i am a little worried about it too. what if it's not successful? or what if marcos decides to ditch us to work on some other shit. i dunno. making business can't be that easy, or everyone else would be doing it right? i dunno. i just wish i knew how to do things. it's funny because i was supposed to see the world and learn how to be a player in society these past 4 years, but honestly all i've learned is to stay in the bed that i've made for myself (pun intended). honestly, it's like i don't know how to behave like a normal person.
i should've been born a cat.
on a more lively note, my mom hasn't been so... motherly to me lately. it's a good thing though. by motherly, i mean to say that she isn't nagging like she used to be before. like, when i came back home this week, i've just been dreading it, expecting her to yell at me for not looking for a job, and yet she hasn't really said much about. in fact, i honestly expected her to be more like, pushing me, asking me what have i done or haven't done, and then when i told her i haven't done anything, for her to be disappointed in me. but it's not like that anymore, and it's great.
i just now really hope that i don't let her down by you know, not finding a job... :/
oh yea, on a completely different note. i've been meaning to mention this for awhile. i finished the 3rd (and last) season of roswell about a week or two back, and it has left me really disappointed, and yes the reason for it is because there won't be any more episodes... i didn't think it would bother me this much, but it really has. it's made me really sad. it's kind of like the feeling that things change, and nothing can be done to keep it from happening. i'm not saying roswell was the greatest shows, and i mean, it definitely had it's loopholes and all that, but it appeals to my romantic at heart, and even though it was a nice ending, i'm just saddened by the fact that it had to end. like... i would saddened by an old lady dying, even if she did live out a happy life. why do good things have to end so soon? and you know, i've finished season 7 of charmed now, and there's only one more season left... i wonder how much more depressed i will be when i reach that last episode. it's a feeling that i'm dreading and i don't think i could honestly describe it.