why was morning invented just so i could wake up
@ 8:58 p.m.
mm sometimes when i hear distance by utada hikaru, i still think about jeff, but it's weird, and there is a sense of longing, but it's more about longing after a certain time that was than longing for jeff. in fact, if there's anyone to long after it's myself at that certain time. but i think a part of me is still just shocked from it all, because up until me and c almost broke up, i always thought in the back of my head that somehow me and jeff would end up back together. or maybe i wasn't thinking that per se, but i know it never occurred to me that we would never be together. it was more along the thought that we couldn't be together momentarily. and now every time "distance" comes on i feel sad and nostalgic. i feel sad that i know it won't ever be like that again. (although i know that if in some crazy universe i did end up together with him, i doubt it would be what i have imagined it up to be, and it wouldn't be like before because everything changes) i'm saddend i think because i feel that i have lost a part of who i am, and maybe my youth. i'm not too sure...
on another note, i realized that me and c are probably an immature couple. i don't know how else to explain it anymore than that. but i wonder if we could ever be an adult couple.
on a totally different note, i watched the season finale of desperate housewives, and while i was driving home today, it occured to me that american idol is coming to an end (i don't watch it, but i see the billboard and only 2 people are left in the competition...) and then it hit me that all shows are coming to their season finale because guess what folks, summer is coming!
it's a scary thought that i won't be going to my school anymore, that i will be graduating... and yet i dunno what the fuck i am doing. i feel more lost then ever. i think all my life i have wanted to hide under the covers in the morning. i don't think that will ever change.