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@ 5:04 p.m.
the week before when i was writing that long research paper, c was pushing me a lot to learn php. i finally got him off my back because i was saying that at that moment i needed to concentrate on my paper, which was true. i said for him to give me a week, and that he can't just keep pushing me to do php things, and that if he gave me enough time i'd start to do it myself. at the time, i really thought i would, but i've pretty much not been doing that. i've been reading some books, and been heavily thinking about a book that i was going to write, but trying to come up with an appropriate story/plot/ending to it, and i haven't been doing so well. is it supposed to take days before i could figure out how i want to plan out my stories? at this rate, it will take a month. and the thing is, i think i want it to be a sad ending, but i can't come up with any scenarios that would prove an appropriate ending. to do something like making a main character die in some accident seems like such a cop out to end a story. and yet i still can't think of anything. we're now in the 7th week of the quarter, and that means in approximately a month i'm going to be done with school here. kinda weird to think about...
and i'm kinda scared about it, but mostly for the reason that I HAVE NO JOB! and i really should do something about that but i've been fucking lazy. how do i go about finding a job?? i have no fucking clue, but i wish our economy wasn't so shit or maybe i'd have some clue... or maybe i wouldn't knowing me. i semi have a job right now, but i need a real job. man, i'm so screwed.