270
@ 10:46 p.m.
it always sucks when i have to come back home from the weekend because really i'd rather just lie around all day with c and not do anything. on sunday, i found out from c that actually he's been apathetic about things lately.
actually, if i want to back up a little more i've been a little depressed that he hasn't seemed to want to do anything (by that i mean sexual) with me. in fact, lately i've been pretty damn sexually attracted to him. so much so that even he noticed, and this weekend, he told me that i shouldn't in a matter of saying "calm down". it made me think about what i said before about him wanting to do it all the time, and the only thing keeping us from that is me. i guess it turns out i was wrong because i've been wanting to do it more and he hasn't responded exactly as glad as i thought he would. i dunno, just seemed like i couldn't really get him interested in doing anything with me. maybe sex can be overdone? honestly, that thought hasn't occurred to me until now.
anyway he's been feeling apathetic. he's been feeling apathetic for awhile now and i felt kind of stupid not realizing. and i also felt really stupid that i thought everything was perfect. i know he told me that things were still great between us but it still upsets me that he was apathetic. the cause of it was because of this guy named reggie. he was supposed to do some programming thing for him, and while c gave advice about how he should do it instead of the way he wanted to do it, he told c basically that he wanted to do it the long, hard, and stupid way for some reason, and furthermore that at the moment, he wouldn't be able to pay him for this work. so that left c upset apparently for all this time. he just felt like he lost faith in people. that they are so stupid and purposely want to do things stupidly even when offered an easier way. also that they can't stick to a deal. first he was saying that he would pay him, and so c got to work, and then he turns around and says that he might not be able to pay him, at least for the time being. in any case, i guess the whole thing affected him a lot more than he thought it did because he's been upset about it ever since.
it made me realize that he is such a huge dreamer. i don't feel that he really lives in reality like the rest of us does. i think he's still a little kid that hasn't grown up yet. he really was upset by the thing for so long. it made him disappointed in people and he didn't want to believe in anyone anymore. if it was me, i would've just taken it as it was and i wouldn't have thought it to be a big deal... because that's just how life was.
after our small quarrel, he gave me oral, which was nice because he hadn't done that in awhile, and it was something that i really wanted him to do, and hinted at him (well, more than hinted) to do, but he didn't really seem to want to...
later we went to olive garden, and it wasn't as nice as it usually was. i really don't know why, but for some reason it was a little bit disappointing, i can't really put my hand on why though.
mmm... perhaps there was more to say in this entry but now i've gotten tired and this entry really shouldn't have taken 45 minutes to write.
on a totally different note, i changed my older page. i've been looking into XHTML lately, partly encouraged by c. i never really got into the whole validation thing, but it's nice to know that i can get my shit validated if i wanted to. i think i would like to design more templates, but it seems like diaryland is dead, and if no one is on here, then there wouldn't be many people to provide templates too.