too realistic
@ 12:46 p.m.
something struck me the other day while me and c were at best buy. we were in the washer and dryer department (we were passing by) and i started looking at this washer and dryer set it was one or two thousand dollars, and it was pretty fancy, with a lot of features that were kind of superfluous. i stopped looking within minutes, but c stayed behind and he kept looking at it and i walked around looking at other things. later he dragged me back to the washer and dryer to show me the features that were on there, but he didn't get to mention all of them before we had to go. he mentioned that he would one day want a washer and dryer like that when we have our own place, and i just simply said "i guess" without much thought. and then he asked me if i didn't want it then? i said that wasn't really the problem, just that i didn't really care. and then he was annoyed by the fact that i don't.
and it dawned on me that i don't hope for things like that or think about things like that because i fear that i will never be able to get it. i don't want to think about what car i'll be driving, what my house looks like. and the only reasoning i can come up with for the way i am is that maybe i'm scared to dream. i feel like i should be more realistic and realize that i can't have things like $2,000 washer and dryers, because it's not in my budget. i mean, i don't work a full time job or make tons of money, and i guess that's why i don't bother to dream about things like that. but the thing is, i think because i don't dream, i ended up not being motivated to do anything in life.
in short, i am a little too realistic, too much to the point that i'm unrealistic in the sense that i don't believe i can have anything even remotely extravagant.