261 part 3; this is shorter
@ 5:26 p.m.
just remembered a few other things...
i am NOT interested in kevin anymore. i know the type of person he is. he only talks to me at his convenience, swears that i am a really great friend to him, and would do anything for me, but when it comes to showing any signs of these things he claims, he is never there. i say this based on the fact that he hasn't IMed me first once in forever. the last bit that we were talking i had to say something first. then he got all fucking busy and doesn't even really respond whenever i message him. he said he would pay for his ro account for me to use, but he hasn't even done that. the only redeeming thing about him was that i asked him to draw an ro character of mine, and he did. (he's a talented artist) he gave it to me just a little bit before we stopped talking. overall - definitely not going to be waiting around for a fag like him. he is the type of friend that decides to talk to me only cause he's bored.
pat hasn't been online in ages. i'm pretty sure it would cheer him up if i texted him and asked him if he's ok? where he's been? but for some reason, i can't seem to. i feel like i'd stooped to be lower than him. i don't know why i feel this way about him. anyone else and i know i wouldn't think this way... maybe it's cause of our relationship and the way he treats me and the way i treat him. (ie. he's probably too nice to me and i take advantage) it's weird that even being friends with someone online can be annoying. i hate dealing with this kind of shit. should-i-text?-should-i-not bullshit. i really probably should though.
this is completely crazy but i am off ro for the most part. always thought that something as addictive as ro would be a lot harder to tear myself away from, but not that it's gotten so much better because i spend my time on the computer watching shit anyway. i'm still on ro sometimes though...
the weight loss is not going so well. because i've been at c's so much i don't exercise when i'm there. that's at least 3 days of no exercise, and that's bad!! i'm back to 170lbs. wtf? honestly i need to fucking hit 165lb. i don't know what the fuck i am doing wrong. i guess i just need to eat less. i don't know. this is really frustrating. i've stopped walking and instead i've been running in place at home for about 45 minutes a day. it gets me a lot more sweaty than the 30 minute walk. but i don't see any results. i wish being skinny came easy to me; fuck
i REALLY want to bring up this point as well. at first when i unlocked this diary, i wasn't planning on keeping it unlocked for this long. but ever since c and i worked things out, i feel like it's not a big deal if he finds this diary. honestly, i was keeping so many deep dark secrets from him, and i am fucking relieved that it's all up in the air. and i am really elated that i can be in here writing positive things about him. i know it was a lot of negative about him before.
okay, til next time!