260 (big update part 2)
@ 4:43 p.m.
i'm pretty sure that you all thought i was going to be gone for another month, but no, i really want to finish up the entry that i started earlier today.
anyway, the dental job. i haven't exactly called them yet, but i will soon! i'm not going to be returning there anymore. they owe me i think 4 hours of pay, which they better mail me! but if they don't it's not like it's a lot of money i guess i dunno. that job really sucked anyway. i guess the one thing i really did like about it was the fact that i could spend my time distracted doing other things like write in diaryland or some other shit that wasn't work related. they saw me sometimes but never really said anything. it was their fault though, if they were gonna treat me like a kid, i might as well act like a kid. in any case, the two main doctors there. dr. l and dr. k shared practices together. shared being the keyword here. i was hired by dr. l, but i couldn't really work the days he was there, because my schedule couldn't fit. dr. l worked tues/thurs and dr. k worked weds/fris and mons were alternated. i worked MWF so i only saw dr. l every other week. well, they decided not to be partners anymore so they literally turned it into two offices. well, one office used by two people depending on the day. it cause all sorts of confusion, and honestly, i bet there's still drama going on there. they even cut the staff so that everyone only worked for one doctor, except 2 people. in the end, dr. l didn't want me to come on the days dr. k was working, so that left me only every other monday. so... i couldn't very well wait for the whole thing to get straightened out.. who knows how long it would've been and i can't honestly survive off of 10 hours of pay every month. that's retarded. so that's work. retarded as hell i know.
now let me comment on a couple of things relating to my last few entries. first off all, i checked a couple of weeks after that entry and it turned out jeff never even wrote me back. i was a little bit surprised, but it also kinda made me wonder if he's completely forgotten about any chance of us as well. but i think this is a good thing. for the first time i feel that my mind is completely with c now. i don't think about jeff at all anymore. i don't think like "it could've been like this" i think "it was like this for a reason". i am honestly still pretty damn happy with c. i feel like our whole relationship has been renewed. it feels kind of like a new relationship in a way, but i guess a lot of our old problems still kind of exist. but i think... since i don't see him as often as i used to, our problems don't seem overwhelming. i hope in time it'll all be worked out.
ok, i know this is probably something you guys don't really want to hear cause it's too much details, but it looks like the whole keeping track of my period thing isn't going to happen, because last month when i had my period, it was... well confusing i guess. i thought i started on the 18th, it was a little bloody, but then nothing... and then i think that saturday or sunday (i forget which day), it finally seemed like my period actually started because it was heavy, and normal. so now i've been confused about which day it happened.... but then again, none of this matters anymore because!!!!!
yesterday i had my pap smear, and i asked the doctor about the pill. i didn't want to all this time because my mom said i shouldn't and it was bad because it would affect my body badly in the long term. but i guess c did ask about it a lot, and pressured me a little bit, though lately he hasn't said much. (i think ever since we almost broke up he hasn't been as pushy) but i decided to ask the doctor the long term effects. there really isn't any except the chance of a blood clot, but she said it was extremely rare. i guess i decided it was my body, my decision and i think i want to do this for us. and you know, when i think about it, i really don't have much of a choice... this brings me to a fact: me and c don't really use protection. c hates the way condoms feel so pretty much ever since we have started to have sex, we never really used them. i mean, i guess i shouldn't say never, but it was really rare. yeah, that means he's been withdrawaling. but i have to say, this method for the most part have been fucking effective as hell. we were so paranoid about it, reading up on all this information, but after months of looking, and researching, it is actually really fucking hard to get pregnant. i think that growing up everyone is scared into the fact that pregnancy is easy as a way to stay away from sex and making sure to use protection. i mean obviously it's not impossible to get pregnant, but it almost is unless everything is done right. the egg actually ONLY accepts sperm for about 3 days, which happens during the middle of the cycle. sperm lives for about a week (i think), so really the chances are fucking low if you don't have sex during the middle of the cycle.
although i could be semi wrong about this, i mean maybe one of us is just infertile... :/ in any case, there's been only 1 slip up. he had a cold that day, and he though he came but then it didn't feel like normal and he thought he didn't. in the end he wasn't sure if he came, so we ended up buying the day after pill.
the second time i had to buy that was the day after my birthday that i was talking about. we both willingly had unprotected sex. i guess i was just caught up in the moment then. we both were. i honestly don't know what i think of that night. i honestly didn't really think i was going to get pregnant anyway because i was a few days away from my period. it was a nice moment, but later on we ended up worrying a lot. it was like 3 or 4am in the morning and the day after pill were sold out in the pharmacies in my area, so we had to drive out a bit far. like i said, i'm not sure how i feel about what happened. i was happy and elated, but it was a stupid thing to do. i guess that's what being in love is.
in any case, all of this won't matter now because i'll be going on the pill. i start taking it on the first day of my period. the doctor said i could have sex within a week i start the pills, but i'm going to wait a month because that's what the pamphlet suggested. the great and awesome news it that my period is going to start soon... and i never thought i would say that.
tl;dr? LIFE IS CHANGING AND LIFE IS GREAT!