confused and all over the fucking place. yay~
@ 4:25 p.m.
i'm more than sure that i used to write coherently. i told the whole story and i made it make sense. i'm pretty sure that everything i've written in this diary for the past month or so hasn't show the full picture, and i wonder if any of it really makes any sense. i read it and i get it because i already see the whole picture. but i wonder if to an outsider they understand what the fuck i'm talking about.
for example, i realized after re-reading last night's entry the thing about the "ghost" probably doesn't make much sense. and what is it that i see exactly in the restrooms? you definitely don't know that either. i guess the only reason that makes this worth reading is that perhaps you share a similar fear with me. i'm not sure if i'm doing it on purpose, but i am loving the confusion. i used to be neat and tidy and it showed in "annachan" and i am fucking glad that i don't have to be that way here, because i don't think that's who i am anymore, and to keep something like that up is annoying for me. so i guess i will clearify a little by what i meant about ghosts. no, i don't see ghosts. if you have ever seen "the ring" you'd know that there really isn't a ghost in that movie. what i actually fear, i don't think i could describe because i don't have a face for it. it's simply a figure. waiting for me. waiting to take me. since i have known c, he's the one that started to refer to it as a ghost. i cannot explain it to you any further than that. and it must be kinda silly and confusing too i guess, because when you think about it, i'm scared of someone i can't really picture, and yet this figure is deathly creepy to me. you know, i'm pretty sure this goes against that wanting supernatural things to happen to me entry that i wrote a few days ago. oh well, i will simply have to overcome this.