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@ 4:14 p.m.
meh, there's not much to say, but i'm super excited about my story. i'm adding more details in my head that i'm soon going to be able to write out on paper (or rather on word). i think i'm almost coming to the point where i'm EXCITED about the story when i think about it. and that i'm EXCITED before i open up that word document, instead feeling grumbly about it as i used to. last night, i easily pumepd out 3 pages before i felt like i was stuck. i usually get stuck every half a page, i'm insanely and really proud of myself. this is the most uplifting i've felt about myself in awhile. i can't say that i'm over my apathy about life and such, but i have to say that the void in my life feels less defeaning. it's not that it's gone, but it's just that i have another disctaction that works so well that i don't see that void anymore.
but i sometimes wonder if c will be disappointed in me. i think c really wanted me to be a web designer. it's weird that i'm not really into it anymore... once upon a time i was so excited about learning that stuff and making websites. now, as interesting as it is, i still have to force myself to do it, if it came to that. it's not that i wouldn't enjoy web programing as a profession, but it's simply that there's other things i wnat to do. i think c doesn't want to accept this reality because he wants us to have closely related feilds of profession. that and i think that he doesn't believe i'm just simply over web designing. a diaryland template every now and then is really all i feel like doing most of the time. i think part of why i'm no longer interested is because i don't have a hobby that i can make a website about. like if i was really into penpalling and i wanted to make cool print outs, i'd totally make a website about that. but honestly, if i made a website like that, my content would be severly lacking and i think that's why i wouldn't bother... but though honeslty, the more i think about this now, the more i am tempted to make such a website... but no, i am too busy at the moment, so i best not think about this anymore. besides, finishing my story is what's important right now. i'm on page 19, and after looking up some more information, i'm technically supposed to be about 1/5 or 1/6 of the way done with my book. that makes me wonder how much i may end up over writing...