high schoolers with dreams
@ 7:31 p.m.
ugh. it's taken me over 2 months to nearly lose 10 lbs. so yea i really haven't been following the diet like when i first started. i indulge too much in eating good food, and eating too much. i've even drank soda a few times as well as eat some fast food. i just want to be at 140 by summer. i wonder if i'll get there. my mom's gonna be out of town for the next month, and she's the one that's been preparing my food, with her gone, i wonder if i'll start eating badly...
on a different related note, my brother's open house was yesterday. it was the most retarded open house i have ever been to in terms of what an open house usually consists of. basically my brother goes to this schmany super top high school in the country (#3 in the country), and they need to continue that shit up by buildling this new multimedia center. it costs 6 million dollars, and apparantly the principal applied for this grant from the government, and it went through so they govt is going to give the school whatever money they can contribute. so they need to raise 3 mil to receive 3 mil from the govt. so apparantly the school district has given 1 mil, the school has enough funding of 500k, and they have about 20k in donations and they need the rest of the money by the end of the year, or at least close to that amount so it would be favorable to proceed.
so anyway, their school put on this show.. well, really, it was a bunch of small speeches from the students about what the center would mean to them. but when the principal spoke, it was so weird to me. it was literally like she had high hopes and beliefs, and DREAMs about this center. because, as i was sitting there watching this show, i couldn't help but feel that if i was attending this school, i wouldn't really care. for one thing, it won't finish completion until 2012, so if i were my brother, i would never get a chance to really use it... and secondly, i just can't help but think, who cares? high school doesn't really mean anything. is there really this necessity of a move to build this multimedia center? this center is going to be there to teach web design, computer programming languages, art direction and design, video confrencening, and other rapidly growning technology-esq things. and i just couldn't but think is this really necessary? and then it made me think what kind of person i am that i can't appreciate other people's dreams, that i can't want to be excited on behalf of my brother and the rest of these people who are excited about learning and their education.
it just really made me wonder if i'm really depressed after all. because honestly, i can't tell anymore.. in high school i could tell, and in retrospect now i can look back at my high school and think oh yea i was sad then, happier then, depressed then, etc. but ever since i graduated, my life has been this straight line, i feel like nothing has changed. how can i know if i'm depressed or not if it's not changing? how can i tell if i'm depressed if i have nothing for comparison? i mean, i don't think that things are so bad in my life, but when i think about the outlook i have on life in general, everything seems to indicate towards that i am depressed. but the even crazier part of me is thinking-- who cares if i'm depressed. whatever.
but seriously, what i wouldn't give to feel what it's like to have a dream sometimes...
oh and the reason that the open house sucked -- after their so called show that lasted nearly 2 hours, it was time to visit the teachers, but a lot of the teachers had left or some of them were taking their sweet ass time to get back to their classrooms, so we didn't end up seeing any teachers, just saw a lot of talking from a lot of students who had dreams and hopes.. or maybe they were all bullshitting too, who knows. after all, isn't that what high school was?