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@ 12:29 a.m.
of course i'm wrong about jeff. he doesn't hate me. he could never hate me. maybe that's his problem though: he's nice. he likes me, but he doesn't like me enough. he finally did give me a proper reply along with some other small emails about how two of the emails he wrote got deleted.
i dunno how i feel at the moment. when i'm with c right now, i feel so nitpicky. there seems to be a million different reasons not to be with him, that i dunno... i'm trying to think with more of a clear head. if i had to think about it logically, i should stay with him another year and see how it goes. sometimes, i get sick of being with him though. he just has so many habits that i wish would stop. his outlook on life, the way he treats things... my mom said it best: he's still just a child.
i lost my job at the new place. it's just as well i guess. i wasn't making THAT much money, but i have to admit when i saw my $750 pay check i did get excited. i can't remember the last time one of my pay check had that much money. oh wait, i've never had a paycheck that had that much money. i was really surprised that they fired me, and honestly i never saw it coming, but now that i've been thinking about it i'm pretty sure i know why they fired me.
i did a LOT of dumb things while working there. for one thing, i clocked in late for lunch by about 1-2 mins 4 times out of the 12 days i worked there. i didn't finish my work on one occasion. i might've turned taking lunch late into a big deal... and i was honestly acting like i'd been working there for months instead of a couple weeks. like, i wasn't doing the work sometimes and i would slack off. so it's really my fault. i didn't act at all like i wanted the job. i guess the thing was that the girl training me, donna, told me in what ways i could slack off, but obviously i wasn't as good at it as she was, and since i was new, i obviously couldn't finish all the work because i slacked off.
honestly though, i don't think i would've honestly enjoyed working there. shachou was really stern and strict. if he was there in the room, you had to be doing some work. he was strict with eating lunch at 12pm, which i hated because i liked late lunches. being late was a big no-no. even 1 min is 1 min WAY too many.
anyway, i'm pretty sure i know why i got fired. on my 11th day of working there and it was time to turn in the time sheet, shachou looked over the time sheet, and called me into his office. he pointed out that i had taken lunches that were more than 45 mins. he said something like "lunch is 45 mins, not 50 mins or 48 mins. everyone takes 45 mins." and i just nodded. and i didn't say much else. it now occurred to me that i should've apologized (probably profusely) and promise that it would never happen again. instead, i walked out not saying much except okay. on my 12th day i was fired. i say that this was the cause of my getting fired because i probably appeared really disrespectful to him. though, i didn't talk back, it was almost like that. in any case, he probably thought i had no respect. since he's japanese, i don't blame him for firing me for this.
at the time, i honestly thought he was stupid though. it was 1 and 2 minutes. and i stay at least til 5:03pm every day, usually longer. yet, that doesn't mean anything to him, and since i didn't apologize for being late, i guess that's that. whatever. i'm not sure i can deal with working at a place where the boss cares about 1 minute.
so i'm looking for a new place to work now. god i sometimes honestly hate my life. finding a job is so hard, i honestly don't know how people look for them, and how they find it so easily.
i'm thinking about writing that novel again... haven't written one word though so who knows if it will really happen. but jeff mentioned it so maybe it'll motivate me to write it out.
anyway i guess i'm sleeping? i really should talk about ... other things sometimes but-
anyway, posting jeff's reply and then i'm sleeping.