Tuesday Aug 4, 10:29 pm (3)
@ 5:02 p.m.
Hi ____,
I'm glad you're not bothered by my emails. Whenever I email you, I feel like I am bothering you. In any case, I'm really happy to hear that you still have the old emails. Though, I must say that I am disappointed you don't have any msn messages left. There was one in paritcular I was thinking about, and I know I had saved it previously on my old computer. However, my dad took that to get it fixed without telling me about 3 years ago when I was away at uni. The guy who fixed it reformatted the computer and I pretty much lost everything. That actually reminds me, I lost the stories that I had written previously. Do you still remember those? If you have those, I would like it to. It would be funny to read it and remember how much I suck, haha. If you're wondering, I still sometimes dream about writing novels, and I have a couple of ideas in mind, but I know I would never make the time to write it... which is kind of a shame I suppose.
Anyway, I understand that it will take some time to get all of the emails/letters to me, so just take your time (but not too much :P). As for why I want to read it, there are many reasons. Before, I had my written diary that I used to read when I felt nostalgic, but ever since I moved out of the house for uni, a lot of things (including the diary) was kept in storage, and now I'm not sure where they are, so I can't read that. So I guess I'm resorting to other nostalgic means. On another note, I think it would be terribly exciting to read something that I had written so long ago. Honestly, I am nostalgic for the feeling of the way I felt when I had fallen in love. Truthfully, I don't remember how that feels. Another reason is that I still quite constantly, though sometimes sparodically, think about you, and I would like something to remind myself of things when it happens. Another reason is that lately I've felt stuck in life, and I'm a little confused as to how things ended up the way they did, and I guess I need to be reminded or refreshed. There are actually so many more reasons, and I'm pretty sure all of them you can imagine and to an extent would be true.
As for my life... honestly, I can't remember the last time (I don't think I ever have......) that I emailed you and I was happy with my life. I don't think I have really, truly been happy in a long time, at least maybe 4 years. Honestly, I feel that life for me is now just a series of ups and downs, but no matter how up they get, I will never truly be happy, maybe momentarily, or fairly content with life. As for downs, I think I'm so used to being happy that being down doesn't really bother me. I actually really want to apologize for this. I feel like whenever I email you, I'm never happy, and I hope that I don't bring you down. I would hate it if it sounded like I came to you whenever I was depressed and had no one else to talk to. I don't really mean to do this, but just that on those days of extreme unhappiness, I can't help but to think about you and feel as if you were always the happy ending that I had missed. And then I can't help but wonder about things and want to write to you. As for everything else, things are always the way things are. Not much changes around me, I'm probably not brave enough to make any.
In any case, I hope you are doing well. Tell me what you have been up to. I'll try to respond fast, but I'm working full time now, and I'm a part time student as well, so I don't have much time during the weekdays.
****