changing my life
@ 1:16 a.m.
Here we are, already a month later, and I hadn't given diaryland any thought, until today, coincidentally exactly a month later. Funny how even changing the look of your diary isn't exciting enough to keep you coming back. I remember this place in its prime. I'm glad to have those memories and know I've been a part of that.
I guess I had wanted to write that I'm going to change my life, health and fitness wise. I hadn't done any exercising since before I got married, and in these two years and nearly 6 months, I've done nothing but get fatter... We've been discussing exercising and getting in shape for a few months before now and I always knew that I wanted to go back to exercising again, because as soon as I didn't, my body only slowly starts to deteriorate. And I was also never quite satisfied with how I ended up. I always plateaued rather quickly and then interest would wane on my part. I never reached where I wanted, the times I tried.
During the time that I wasn't exercising for a bit, I couldn't figure what was wrong, why I hadn't been able to lose weight. Why was I plateauing so quickly? How can I actually get where I want and stay there? Then I read this article about a girl who was always kinda big her entire life and no matter what kind of aerobic exercise she had been doing, she couldn't seem to get to her target weight. Then she turned to weightlifting and her weight didn't go down, but that was cause she had gained so much muscle. She looked so great! Now she had a very lean looking body, she wasn't that almost unhealthy looking thin and skinny. That's when I realized, that's what I want. So I knew the next time I wanted to exercise again, I was going to weightlift. I'm so excited about this because all my life I've been weak, and I mean, I'm so unbelievably weak, it's amazing how weak I am. And now I'm going to change all that. I'm excited about the possibility of getting rid of all this excess flab on me. Sometmies I can really tell just how heavy my body is and in contrast just how weak my arms are. One example is getting out of the pool. I'm so much heavier than I used to be that it's a struggle getting out of the pool all at once, I really need to use the steps at the end of the pool to make it easy to get out. And then it makes me realize how weak my arms are that I can't even support my own weight... like at all. Anyway, today I began my first day with a personal trainer. I'm finally going to learn weight lifting and I really hope I'm not naive, but I'm extremely hopeful that this is really the solution. C and I have decided to also go running on my off days from weightlifting. C's doing his own strength exercises. He's just doing some push ups, sit ups, planks, etc. I wasn't interested in doing this because I had done that kinda shit in the past, and I never saw any results from it, and I think part of the reason is that I'm not strong enough to do a proper push up, and never seemed to gain muscle to be able to do so. That's why I think a steady progress of actual weights, and being able to track it with numbers will help me to see that I'm improving. Doing push ups seem to be too far advanced for me right now to further my gains. It's like trying to play a sonata on your first piano lesson. You gotta learn some basics and foundation first. That's what I'm getting from the personal trainer.
Today was my first day and I'm honestly so excited. I had a great first session. I forgot how relaxed I could feel after a great work out. There are parts of body hurting that have never hurt before. I learned to do an actual good squat for the first time. I had no idea that I was actually doing a lazy squat. I'm realizing, so this is why I hadn't seen the progress I wanted. I saw some progress yes, but then it would just kind of stop and this is probably why, I was doing it wrong! I'm so excited to learn, and the idea that I might be able to do a proper push up, wear some of my old smaller clothes, maybe for the first time in my life have a circular belly button instead of a horizontal crease... I'm going to stick this out at least a year, but hopefully all goes well and this is what I do the rest of my life. So exciting!